Being kind takes goodwill and attention to everything you say and do. In a world that is in a hurry and that lets itself go to easy judgments, being good with others requires reflection and consistency.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: February 18, 2022
Being a little kinder to others could change our lives, but there is no time. We feel overwhelmed by haste, worries, anxiety and often accumulated fatigue, as well as a lack of willpower. Cognitive kindness is a resource that could affect our well-being if we were more respectful, affable and cordial.
This is a new concept that is worth reflecting on. Advances in the understanding of human cognition tell us that reasoning, thinking and reflecting take time, will and energy. This sequence leads us to act many times automatically, guided by prejudices or following certain impulses.
So to speak, we are cognitive misers; let's try to give an opinion as soon as possible to reduce energy expenditure. This interferes with our relationships. For example, it distances us and makes us less empathetic with others.
It is always easier to judge than to ask and let oneself be carried away by judgments and stereotypes every other day. All this weaves, little by little, the web of a more insensitive, cold and even selfish society.
Acting with cognitive kindness might undoubtedly be the best answer to this context. Let's find out more closely what it consists of.
Cognitive goodness encourages us to be more present, more attentive to our closest reality. Being empathetic, aware and receptive with others and with our context means developing a more open mind towards the present, not so much towards our inner world.
What does cognitive kindness consist of?
Cognitive kindness is one step ahead of emotional intelligence. While the latter tries to predispose us to understanding and managing emotions, the former tries to give a new direction to the way we rework reality with more kindness and respect. It means learning to think, reflect and interpret what concerns us with greater dedication and sensitivity.
If we were wondering what cognitive science is and what cognitivism is, it must be said that it is an interdisciplinary field. It means speaking of the mind, of the processes that concern it, of its functions; it means referring to language, memory, reasoning, attention.
Well, the study on goodness aims to understand why the brain can push us to act with little affection towards the people around us.
The term cognitive kindness is quite recent. For example, it was used in several TED talks by the US psychologist Karen Yu. During these speeches, the expert wondered why, if the mind is our most precious individual resource, we do not make it a richer entity of goodness.
In an increasingly complex world, this dimension is needed to shape a present and a future that are more full of hope. Let's examine some useful dimensions to better understand this concept.
We continue to feed false beliefs about goodness
Nowadays we follow up on some beliefs that detract from goodness. These are the following:
- Being kind makes you vulnerable. This kind of reasoning is absolutely distorted, because it is kindness that allows us to really connect with others.
- Goodness makes you weak. Even today we feed the belief that "whoever is good is naive".
- Being good is a waste of time: in the end they all take advantage of you. This is also a false belief. The study conducted by the Tohuky Gakuin University (in Japan) shows that those who are good, kind and selfless feel happier and more satisfied.
- If you are good and friendly in the workplace, others will take advantage of it. In fact, this perception is another of those still standing when you are part of environments that encourage sociability, such as school or office.
A bit as if altruistic attitudes reveal some kind of weakness that ultimately makes us attackable by others. In fact, if we all applied cognitive kindness we would function much better as a human group, as a collective.
By contributing to the well-being of our fellow men we also find ours.
Cognitive kindness as a strategy to strengthen the brain and coexistence
Cognitive goodness goes far beyond the emotional aspect; it involves thoughts, reasoning and behaviors. The research study carried out in collaboration with the University of Boston, Rio de Janeira and Valencia explains an important aspect: goodness requires attention and dedication to others and also the good will to put oneself in the shoes of others, in one's situation. .
To carry out these processes we must engage "cognitively". It means to stop thinking on autopilot, avoiding acting guided by prejudices.
This allows you to reason after meditating and reflecting. Only in this way could we perceive reality. Only in this way do we allow ourselves to be more sensitive to the needs of others.
How to put this cognitive skill into practice
Cognitive kindness cannot arise in us overnight. It is not easy to activate it because it requires the difficult task of deactivating biases, negative thought patterns and a reformulation of concepts.
First, an activity that we should all start practicing is stop having prejudices.
There is nothing that harms coexistence more than making a judgment without knowing; draw our own conclusions without being connected to the reality of the other, putting aside prejudices.
Moreover, goodness is not just a feeling: it requires actions, decisions to be made and carried out. For example, it's not enough to have the inkling that my co-worker is worried. What makes the difference is to step forward and ask him what he needs.
In essence, being more cognitively generous requires the sum of emotional intelligence, attention, reflection, decisions to make and behaviors that are in tune with values.
This practice is difficult to implement, but the results can be extraordinary, especially in the current context. Let's train ourselves to be kind to gradually transform this little world.
