Last update: 26 November 2015
Come, let's look each other in the eye to say goodbye. I have to explain to you why I'm leaving, I want to make it clear that sometimes love is not the answer to all gaps, nor an analgesic for all mistakes. I bid you goodbye face to face because this is how people who once loved each other and who deserve respect separate.
We love blindly, we love with all the senses and with what some call "soul".
Nevertheless, blind love is never a sufficient guarantee to prosper the relationship until you have gray hair, until time offers us that complete calm that happy couples who do not see the years in their wrinkles reach.
The days lived in harmony and happiness.
For now, no one has discovered the "magic formula" that guarantees us this life. Meanwhile, we continue to take risks, we let ourselves be carried away and we walk along the complex path of emotional relationships.
You will agree with us that one of the most difficult moments is, without a doubt, the breakup. Perhaps in life you have experienced the bitter essence of "abandoning" and being "abandoned" ...
Cutting the link, in one way or another, is always a source of pain, even if, at times, the separation is justified.
However… How did they "break up" with you? Or how did you leave a person last time?
By phone? With a message? Did you walk away without saying anything?
It is not fair, much less the healthiest way on an emotional level. Goodbye must be said in presence, looking into each other's eyes and tearing the clearest sincerity from the heart.
“It's not you, it's me”: avoid the lies, be brave
We know that it is not easy to tell the person with whom you have shared emotions, feelings, dreams and projects that you no longer love them. or worse still, even if you continue to love her, you are not happy by her side, that you do not want to try again to avoid further suffering.
It's not easy, but it needs to be done. Farewell is a casket overflowing with confused sensations, but which have a clear need: to let go, to close a phase. To move on.
We must never give in to the famous phrase "we have to let it go, and it's not you, really, it's me". Behind these famous words, there are actually various aspects:
- Avoid hurting your partner, which, in reality, we no longer love and to whom we do not want to harm by telling them the truth. That's why we shy away from "it's not you, it's me".
- For this reason, we choose to place the blame on us. When we project this false liberation onto the couple and focus the problem on us, we victimize ourselves and it is easier to distance ourselves from the other. We avoid telling the truth and step away immature, as our partner will never understand what really happened.
To break the bond and close a phase in an integral and mature way, one must never fall into stereotypes or pitiful lies. The truth hurts, but sooner or later we face it. Doubts, on the other hand, feed false hopes.
How to manage the farewell in the couple
1. First of all, you have to be aware that the separation will be final. You know it is for the best and you are completely convinced of it.
2. It is very likely that the partner already senses something. Nevertheless, there are those who prefer to blindfold their eyes rather than contemplate the truth, and that is why it is necessary to take that extra step. Doing what's best for both of you.
All the loves we strive to carry on are false,
they end up falling into the abyss of slow unhappiness.
3. Think about what you will say and, if you like, prepare it aloud. In this way, by visualizing and hearing your words, you will be able to cope with the emotional burden. If you let it out earlier, that's better, because you will have more control when the time comes.
4. Then think about the arguments that your partner can make as a reaction to what you say. Ask yourself how you will justify and defend yourself.
5. Visualize the farewell, the departure. You will feel pain, but at the same time it is a form of liberation, something that you have dealt with in a whole and mature way.
Facing goodbye as an abandoned person
Leaving someone involves great suffering, but being the person who experiences the breakup can trigger a different pain that can become very destructive: it is possible to lose one's self-esteem, self-confidence.
You must not allow it, do not get carried away and do not turn into victims. Everything is overcome ... The best conditioner? Time and recover the desire to move forward.
Being left, for example, for a third person or feeling on one's skin how our partner has stopped loving us are situations that involve a very deep pain from which, however, you have to get up.
On any occasion, regardless of why a relationship ends, we deserve to be looked into the eyes and have us explain why before we say goodbye.
- Not knowing is a source of great anxiety and feeds false hopes.
- It makes us waste vital time that we should use to "rebuild", to accept the loss and get up to walk a new path.
- Breakups communicated through third parties, by telephone or by discovering an empty house overnight, are a circle very difficult to close.
All goodbyes deserve a face-to-face meeting. Looking into each other's eyes. The lack of this encounter, masking the break with false ideas or cowardly escapes, causes pain and suffering from which it is difficult to break away.
Be brave, expect courage and emotional maturity from your partner. Life is made up of closing doors and ending cycles and everything must be done with integrity and inner wisdom.
