Last update: Augusts 27, 2020
Practice theconscious listening and showing that we care about others is an extraordinary gesture of generosity.
When a person tells us something, they expect us to pay attention to them. Let us leave our worries aside for a moment and team up to face him. What we are asked to do is to listen consciously: a selfless act in which we engage our cognitive resources.
Starting from this premise, listening consciously represents a real act of generosity. Have you ever wanted to tell something important to you and to be continually interrupted with phrases such as "it happened to me instead that ...", "you should have said or done so", "the same thing happened to me when ..." ? Or that they even interrupt you by asking you a question that had nothing to do with the topic you were talking about?
These are not at all pleasant moments, in which you find yourself in front of a wall from which only frustration arises. The very familiar feeling, especially in adolescence, that the world is a pleasant place that does not fit in with our needs. The logical consequence is to stop trying to communicate or do it in an increasingly desperate way.
In the same way, sometimes we ourselves practice this behavior towards other people, with the same unpleasant consequences. If you want to improve your relationships and communications with others, practicing conscious listening is essential.
What is conscious listening?
The Spanish psychologist Inmaculada DomÃnguez has studied the subject in depth. Below we will focus on her studies to try to answer this question. As the name suggests, conscious listening is a listening that we carry out in an active and voluntary way. In it, elements such as empathy, love towards the other person, respect and attention come into play.
Conscious listening is about letting the other person speak by paying attention to what they are saying and without interrupting them, asking questions that show interest in the topic so that they feel truly heard. It represents an act of generosity and true interest towards the other person.
In this way, we grant time and space both to our heart and to the interlocutor's mind. In a world where the culture of immediacy, lack of time and self-centeredness prevent us from dedicating enough time to others and jeopardizing our social relationships, this foresight can become fundamental.
Why can a lack of conscious listening compromise social relationships?
We all need to be heard. It is a necessity that forms an integral part of our nature as social animals. If the listening is not reciprocal, the other person will perceive a lack of interest in his feelings and her life. Who likes to be with someone who doesn't show interest?
The lack of mutual interest has sadly become very popular nowadays, mainly due to technological progress. People increasingly tend to isolate themselves in their smartphones, even when they are together. Why stay together then?
People are obsessed with what happens on the net, from what they think, from what they want to say, from their worries, from their responsibilities. They do not stop for a moment and do not remain silent to listen to what others have to say. And these attitudes inevitably generate conflicts and discussions.
How to practice conscious listening?
If you want to improve your life, your relationships with others and with yourself, you need to develop this kind of listening. The differences will stand out.
- Start by meditating; it is a great way to stop your mind and become aware of the here and now. Through breathing and relaxation, you will realize that you are able to stop the whirlwind of your mind and focus on one thing.
- Listen with your body and not just with your mind; adopt the posture of your interlocutor, approach him without invading his vital space, move the trunk slightly forward, so as to make him feel heard.
- Don't interrupt; if you have to ask a question related to the topic, wait for your time to come.
- Observe; by paying attention to his gestures and facial expressions you can complete the information that is communicated to you in words.
Practicing conscious listening is an act of generosity towards your interlocutor and towards yourself. Towards him because feeling listened to will be a precious gift, towards yourself because conscious listening is a real opportunity to grow.
