Last update: April 02, 2017
You've certainly heard a lot about consistency and what it means to be a consistent person. Certainly you have sometimes heard the typical comment: “He is inconsistent! He says one thing and then does another, understanding it is impossible ”.
Well, it would seem that being coherent is linked to a certain internal transparency (that of a person with himself) and external (in which one reflects what he really is). A consistent person shows the true self, without masks or disguises.
Conversely, people who act inconsistently are the ones who often give headaches to both others and themselves. They distance themselves from who they really are and behave differently than they feel or think.
Consistency is the correspondence between what we feel and what we express.
We could define coherence as a balance that exists between the most visceral state of us (what we feel in the belly) and how we externalize it through our behavior, both verbal and Not verbal. When a person is coherent, then, these two parts of himself are in perfect harmony.
"Authentic people take responsibility for who they are and feel free to be who they are."
-Jean paul Sartre-
For example, if a genuine person feels betrayed by a friend of his or her, they won't ignore it and won't wear a mask. He will reflect through his behavior how he feels, make it clear that he has suffered a lot and that he wants to show his friend how he feels. It will be consistent with his pain and feelings.
Consistent people build trust in others
Consistent people usually generate a strong sense of trust, because they don't show a different face from theirs nor try to fake or disguise what they are feeling. They know how to listen to what is happening inside them and are able to accept it, without lying to themselves or to others.
They show themselves as they are, without different shades. They are brave people, because they live in a society where we have often been taught not to show how we feel. Indeed, we are often encouraged from an early age to hide our true emotions, to mask them, or even to cover them with others that our society tolerates better.
Sometimes we hide sadness with boundless joy or we use sadness to get what we want, when no one wants to give it to us. Surely you know someone who after a big disappointment (for example, amorous) immediately shows himself happy. He does not allow himself to suffer from that loss, because they have taught him that he must "be strong" and that no one "deserves his tears".
Such a person laughs when he needs to cry. And so he accumulates an ever greater weight that crushes that emotion. He covers it until it tears apart. In this way she becomes an expert in the art of fiction and an inexperienced in letting go and showing her emotions.
Consistency demonstrates the correspondence between thoughts and actions
We speak of coherence even when we refer to that harmony that exists between our actions or our behaviors and our way of thinking.. It will have happened to you at times that you have found yourself acting in the opposite way to your values or what you really thought. This produces in us a feeling of strangeness mixed with shame.
If we go around saying that we are tolerant and patient people, but at the first chance of confrontation we are unable to understand the point of view of others when it is different from ours, or if we get angry about a trifle, we should probably ask ourselves if the idea we have of ourselves is correct. When we believe we are one way, but in reality we act the opposite way, a really unpleasant sensation is produced within us.. Precisely for this reason, we should be able to eliminate the inconsistency, in one way or another.
For all these reasons, choosing the path of consistency is by no means a simple choice: it implies a very important pact of honesty with oneself.
The problem with being inconsistent is above all the distrust we generate in other people in the long run. It is difficult to trust someone to say one thing and do another, as it is if that person shows himself in the opposite way to what he really feels.
In fact, intuition always tells us whether the person in front of us is consistent with us or not.
There are a lot of people intuitive able to perceive this dissonance and, therefore, to notice if someone is behaving in a coherent way. And it is a quality to appreciate, because it is a much easier and less arduous task to be yourself when you are in the company of people who are themselves, without disguises, and not with people who give us the feeling of being finished in. a masked ball.
"Each of us is in the world to discover his own path and we will never be happy if we follow the path of another."
-James Van Praagh-
For this reason, it is so important to continue the journey towards one's knowledge, without fear or shame when we observe what is inside us. If we accept who we are, we will have no need to hide or deny it. Think about how tiring it can be to live with a mask on, without ever creating sincere relationships with others.
Finding the balance between what we feel, think and do will be a great success that will make our relationships more true and authentic. Starting with the relationship we have with ourselves. Whether we like it or not, in fact, we are our only true companions in life, from the day we are born to the day we die.
