Last update: April 20, 2016
Sometimes it takes little to lose your temper: in these cases, anger manifests itself in its totality. Maybe we are extremely tired and we are more irritable than usual, maybe a negative comment makes us lose our patience or, simply, anything that bothers us.
In these moments, anger takes possession of us, and invades us. We can't manage our anger and take it out on everyone, even if they have nothing to do with our anger.
These situations consume and silence us, leading us to act in an aggressive, irresponsible and, at times, even cruel way. After the storm, we can feel very ashamed and be baffled, and the inability to recognize ourselves can come to consume us.
However, Although we believe it is impossible to manage our emotions in these moments, there are strategies to control anger. Below we see some.
How can we control our anger?
The premise from which we must start is that getting carried away with anger is not good. Getting angry or even feeling furious on some occasions must be differentiated from the possibility of not knowing or knowing how to manage our anger.
Likewise, it must also be emphasized that, Although anger is a healthy negative emotion, its uncontrolled, disproportionate and unhealthy version gives rise to anger. For this reason, it will always be our intention not to allow anger to grow and give way to anger. How can we do it?
1. Recognizing the causes of anger
Everyone must explore and become aware of what makes him angry, what bothers him and what contributes to causing him discomfort, feelings of injustice, iniquity, etc. Anger is always the product of our interpretation of what makes us angry.
2. Noticing the physical signs that warn us
Although it must be taken into account that everyone is a different world, usually when we start to annoy and get angry, our heart speeds up, we feel our guts tangle and we begin to feel heat and a strong nervousness.
As we have already commented, anger can range from mild irritation to intense rage or rage. For this reason, the belief that it is better to externalize anger than to keep it in is completely false. If we can spot the first symptoms, we can stop them cleanly before they grow.
To do this, it is necessary to learn some relaxation exercises, such as stopping our thoughts or controlling our breathing (breathing with a rhythm of 2 or 3 seconds of inhalation and 2 or 3 of exhalation to return to normal). We can also listen to music, exercise, watch television, imagine a relaxing thing, etc.
3. Examining our thoughts
We may feel that our thoughts cloud and accumulate, making the organizational intentions of our mind useless. For this reason, it is important to recognize what thoughts we face in situations of anger:
- Destructive thoughts are the ones that come to our mind before, during and after, and that make us feel worse. They would be like How stupid !, He's laughing at me !, I hate this guy !, You'll see!
- Mistakes in our way of thinking: Sometimes we tend to take things too personally, to ignore the positive aspect of situations, to be too perfectionist or to see everything black or white.
In this sense, we must intervene, so that our thoughts are more balanced, so that an "always leaves me in the lurch" becomes a "sometimes it doesn't behave as it should, but other times it does". We can draw up a comparative list and draw inspiration from it when we need it.
4. By controlling our aggressive behaviors
If we can manage our thoughts and physical symptoms of anger well, we will not get to aggressive behavior. However, it is likely to happen to us sometimes, which is why we need to know how to handle the situation. How? Through three steps:
- First: Identify what all aggressive behavior consists of, what happens before and what after. It is advisable to keep a diary.
- Second: Make a list with behaviors other than aggressive. You can get out or withdraw from the situation until you are calm, breathe deeply, try to understand the intentions of others, etc.
- Third: Practice this behavior next time you feel violent.
5. Solving your problems and trying to rest properly
Lack of rest and excessive worry can generate a predisposition to short temper and angry behavior. For this reason, it is important to pay the right attention to rest, enhance it and not postpone the solution of possible sleep problems.
6. Communicating appropriately
Sometimes we take things too personally and, as a result, we come to hasty conclusions about the intentions of others. In this sense, it is important to improve our social communication and put the following tips into practice:
- It is important to stop and listen to the other person.
- Don't rush to conclusions. If something seems offensive to us, we should ask the person to explain it to us, but we must not fight back.
- We must try to understand the feelings of others; usually this is subject to the person's actions or words. Remember that there is no worthless sentiment and probably a lot of arguments can be avoided this way.
- We must try to express how we feel, instead of uttering unpleasant words.
