This decalogue for dealing with a couple conflict tells us about simple attitudes and behaviors. Elements that, even if they may seem logical or trivial, we forget or ignore to the point of allowing a conflict to crack the relationship.
Last update: October 06, 2022
However much two people love each other and maintain a relationship that we could define as harmonic, sooner or later they will have to face a couple crisis. It is inevitable and also healthy. Conflict is an opportunity to analyze and decide, so a couple in crisis must know how to deal with the conflict.
At the other extreme, there are couples who live in constant contradiction, who argue over every little thing, but still feel that their love is enough to keep the relationship intact. Perhaps it is simply the fact that they do not yet know how to deal with a conflict and, for this reason, they cannot get out of this vicious circle.
There are some simple steps to always keep in mind to deal with a relationship crisis. These are some indications that may seem simple and obvious, but which in many cases are ignored, leaving room for conflict or an agreement that does not satisfy either of them. Let's see them together.
“There is no love in peace. It is always accompanied by agony, ecstasy, intense joy and deep sadness. "
-Paulo Coelho-
Decalogue for dealing with a couple crisis
1. Find peace of mind and then speak and act
Anger, accompanied by impulsiveness, is one of the factors that wears down any relationship. It is unleashed simply because we are used to reacting in an explosive way, but it can be changed.
We can get used to being silent, while the wave of fury that brings only negative consequences passes, and wait to find serenity before speaking. It may seem trivial, but a couple in crisis never solves anything by screaming.
2. The benefit of the doubt: a lifeline for the couple in crisis
The certainties are much less than what we think, while doubt, understood as prudence, should occupy much more space in our mind.
Let the partner explain his reasons, his intentions and his actions. Open your mind to try to understand his point of view. Understanding is a very profitable investment.
3. Talk about how you feel honestly
One of the ways to deal with a relationship crisis is focus on what you feel rather than what you think. Expressing your feelings sincerely is a liberating act for you and enriches your partner.
The expression that comes from the heart stimulates understanding and strengthens the bond between two people.
4. Screaming and offending are useless
The screams and offenses do nothing but fuel the conflict and hurt dignity; even if in the throes of an argument we forget it, this is how all the quarrels of a couple in crisis end.
By yelling and ignoring your partner's sensitivity, you automatically authorize them to do the same. In the long run, distance and resentment will increase.
5. Taking responsibility is essential for dealing with a relationship crisis
We often seek justification for our actions in those of others. "You make me lose my temper," we say, as if others could direct our behavior at will.
Dealing with a crisis with maturity means start examining the situation by taking responsibility for what happened. Trying to blame the other does not resolve a crisis.
6. The victim and the executioner
Victimization is never useless, even less so when trying to resolve a couple crisis. When one person puts himself in the shoes of the victim and, of course, puts the other in the position of the executioner, the real responsibility of both of them is distorted.
By acting in this way, the former assumes a childish attitude, while the other acquires imaginary powers. In a nutshell, confusion adds to the already precarious situation.
7. Listen in silence to resolve a relationship crisis
In silence we can work with our inner dialogue, with those messages that we dedicate to ourselves. In a conversation, silence is the polite prelude to a healthy dialogue, in which turn to speak is respected.
Interrupting is an attitude that generates further tension, because it irritates and reveals the desire to impose on us. A good practice for dealing with a couple crisis is to limit the time of the intervention and respect the speaking time.
8. Focus on solutions
It is much easier to approach a relationship conflict from a constructive perspective. This is reflected in the proposing a discussion, with the declared aim of seeking solutions, instead of sinking even further into malaise.
If you focus on how the problem might be solved, you will already be closer to getting out of the conflict.
9. You can heal the past, but not change it
If one or both members of the couple approach the crisis as a showdown, demanding compensation for past mistakes, the discussion is doomed to fail.
In this case, in fact, the person who seeks compensation places himself in a position of power in the face of the weakness of the other who takes a defensive position in order not to assume his responsibilities.
In this way the balance necessary to resolve the conflict is broken.
10. There is no room for threats if a relationship crisis is to be resolved
The threat of abandonment or of hurting the other are forms of psychological violence. At some point you may feel that threatening the other person might work, but you will soon find that this does not resolve any conflict.
Threat dictates a scenario in which one wins and the other loses; winners and losers, which is the worst result of any negotiation.
You don't even need to feed the grudge. We must forgive and be forgiven. We all make mistakes and we deserve an opportunity to make up for the mistake, to apologize.
Finally, we remind you that willingness, availability and open-mindedness are the most important ingredients for resolving any conflict. It is all about cultivating our emotional education to offer smarter answers to the problems of the couple and that represent real challenges for two people who love each other.
