Last update: April 05, 2020
In recent decades, people's life expectancy has increased considerably: we live more and better. This is certainly a positive factor, but it also brings with it a number of health problems that did not once exist. Let's talk about senile dementia.
The passage of time, in fact, in some cases can lead to a deterioration at the cognitive level that prevents the person from looking after himself. Dementia is the leading cause of addiction in developed countries. But what is the influence of this situation on the family?
"Dementia is like that moment of doubt when I don't know if I should trust the eyes or the memory, because it seems that both of them could make the same, insidious, mistakes."
-John Katzenbach-
The causes of family conflicts when a member suffers from dementia
In all families there are sources of daily conflict that are resolved gradually in a better or worse way, according to the problem-solving capacity of the various members. The fact is, when one of them suffers from dementia, the reasons for discussion and conflict increase.
This is due to the fact that dementia involves the appearance of numerous stressors that did not exist before. First of all, there is often a lack of information about the disease. It is equally difficult to determine what its evolution will be, which generates great uncertainty among family members.
"Dementia devours the patient's thinking and at the same time destroys the feelings of the people who love and care for him."
-Nolasc AcarÃn Tusell-
On the other hand, the care a person with dementia needs often involves a significant financial expense, as it may be necessary to hire a person to take care of it, take it to a specialized day center or admit it to a foster home. Conflicts can also arise from lack of time available to care for other family members.
Finally, one of the main reasons for discord is how to care for the person with dementia. Some relatives may feel that others are not making the right decisions or that they are just trying to satisfy their own interests.
Why is it difficult to resolve a conflict when a family member has dementia?
Now that we have analyzed the main sources of conflict, it is necessary to understand why these problems often drag on and are not resolved. Only in this way can we learn how to do it. The main reason that prevents you from finding an alternative that satisfies everyone is the lack of communication among the various members of the family.
This blockage causes some family members to have a hard time expressing how they feel and what they think about dementia. In addition to being difficult, for some it may be completely impossible. But not only: they may be afraid to ask for help from others for fear of an argument.
On the other hand, children may have had problems in the past with the parent who is now sick. This can lead to feelings of guilt and make them react more aggressively towards other family members. In the end, there may be a sort of "competition" between siblings about who is best to look after the sick parent.
What can be done to resolve conflicts related to dementia?
When a family member is hit with dementia, the situation will certainly be difficult for everyone to manage. But it is possible to minimize the onset of the conflicts we have just illustrated. To do this, it is important to change all those harmful dynamics that affect the process.
From this point of view, it is vital to work on communication. Being able to express our emotions and opinions regarding the disease will help us resolve various disputes. On the other hand, we must not forget that all this will be much easier the more united it will be family. The support, commitment and collaboration between the different members is essential.
“He asks for a hand to hold his, a heart to take care of him and a mind to think for him when he can't. Someone to protect him on his journey through the perilous pitfalls of the labyrinth. "
-Diana Friel-
Being able to flexibly adapt to changes in family roles and habits will ensure that there is more support in personal care. Finally, it is important to be able to make targeted decisions. All of this will help the family adjust to dementia and suffer less from the disease.
Images courtesy of Cristian Newman, Tiago Muraro and Alex Boyd.
