Last update: December 18, 2015
We all have secrets. Sometimes we hide characteristics of our personality that we are ashamed of or consider defects, convincing ourselves that others would reject us. In other cases, it is trauma from the past, something we have done or suffered that we believe could make people turn away. All this constitutes "our demons".
We hide these so-called demons from others because we are the first to not want to see them, to refuse to live with them. It's normal. The demons, the traumas, the remorse, the complexes, the shame… They are all part of the negative aspects of life that it hurts us to see, that cause us suffering.
It is undeniable that living with one's demons is completely normal. Absolutely no one, not even the purest people you may meet, is without inner struggle. The human being is built on his conflicts and contradictions. The problem is not in having demons, but in ignoring them eternally, in not knowing how to accept them.
"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself for who I am, then I can change"
-Carl Rogers-
If you are not true to yourself, when we hide or prevent ourselves from thinking about what makes us feel bad, we will stay away from us will only perpetuate our problems, although in the present moment one gets the impression of feeling relief. Because nothing disappears by itself and it is necessary to accept reality in order to overcome it.
Not facing your own demons makes them stronger
If you fear your reactions, your anxieties, your anger, your depression, your rejection, but you never dwell on them, it is likely that they will gradually grow larger, even overshadowing areas of your life. where the serene reigned before.
An example of this are people who are afraid of rejection because they were victims of bullying when they were young. While fear will never completely go away, it can be trained to be manipulable, until you learn how to manage anxiety, work on self-esteem, etc.
But if we let fear get the better of us, let the monster dominate us without ever trying to face the situations that terrify us, that fear will only grow by increasing our insecurity.
And so it is in every respect. If you don't accept the fact that there is a communication problem in your marriage, you will never find a way to solve it. If you don't accept that you have a food problem, you will never start treatment. Unfortunately, problems do not disappear by ignoring them, but they will grow to the point of turning into snow avalanches that raze everything to the ground.
The demons do not disappear, but they can be tamed
It would be nice to think that it is enough to accept and face one's demons, of whatever nature they are, to make them disappear. But when we realize that this is not how it works, we sometimes get discouraged to the point of wanting to throw in the towel. And this is a serious mistake!
The truth is that there are aspects of life that hurt us and that we will have to live with forever. The important thing is to know that, if we decide to face them, we will learn methods to make them, at least, easier to manage.
Anxious people, for example, will always be more agitated than those who have never experienced this state of mind. They will be more nervous, they will be afraid of not being able to do everything in time, they will worry more about problems.
But it is by looking at the problem in the face that we will find the strength to live with it. You find psychological help, you learn relaxation techniques, you acquire control of the situation ... You learn to live with your monster and tame it.
Acceptance and commitment therapy
According to an existing current in psychology called "acceptance and commitment therapy", when we are pervaded by negative feelings, instead of trying to fight them one by one - certainly grueling technique - we should try to accept them. It is therefore about commit to doing what you think is correct and what you want to do, without negative thoughts preventing us from doing so.
If, for example, we tend to avoid any contact with society because it generates anxiety, we will have to commit ourselves to face these situations by learning to accept the idea of ​​being invaded by agitation; the point is therefore not to eliminate the problem, but to live each experience exactly as it comes.
The most important thing, according to this theory, is the make a commitment to act by doing what is considered correct, accepting the possibility of feeling anxious, sad, angry, but without acting on impulse, but behaving according to the commitment made.
This is how their demons are trained. We look at them, we know them and we tell them: “Even if you are there, I will live my life as I want”. The effect this attitude has on them in the end is surprising. They end up becoming secondary aspects of life that are no longer scary, with which you can easily live with.
