Last update: June 08, 2016
They have always tried to convince us, in the name of common morality, that one must give without expecting to receive anything in return and we have never doubted this principle. But it makes me wonder, don't you think you deserve to receive at least a small part of what you give in your emotional relationships? And this does not mean always expecting to get something in return, but not always moving seas and mountains for someone who would not move even a single stone for you.
You deserve reciprocity, you deserve a balance when you put in place the mechanism of giving and receiving with others. You don't have to be always on the same side of the mechanism, you have to alternate: if today you are the one who bends over backwards for a friend because you want to do it, it is more than right that tomorrow she will do the same with you.
Out of friendship, out of affection or simply because this is how a relationship that can be defined as healthy has to work, you need to have people by your side who do everything possible to maintain your relationship, and who do it with their heart: sometimes you don't have to move mountains for someone, just take into account what others do for you.
"The only person you need in your life is the one who shows you that she too needs to have you in hers."
-Anonymous-
True love is not unconditional
Walter Riso, in The Limits of Love, partly approaches this theme by trying to teach that love does not have to be unconditional to be true and that this is, at times, a misconception that we often accept. In fact, all of us at least once bothered the passivity of others towards us when, on the contrary, we were there for them.
For this reason, any relationship based on a specific emotional bond needs a balance between interests and affection on both sides, to avoid falling into emotional dependence.
In other words, it is annoying to know that the other person would not lift a finger for us and that, despite this, we would continue to move it for her: this is an imbalance that is likely to lead to a breakup. Being willing to give yourself to others according to their level of importance to you will lead you to move mountains, land and air and make them your enemies.
"That love for others does not need to receive anything in return is an invention of the submissive:
if you give, you must receive. It's normal. "
-Walter Rice-
A counterproductive effect
We have the courage to open and offer our hearts to the people we love, totally exposing ourselves to the danger of not receiving the same in return. But it is precisely in doing so that we run the risk of losing the spirit and desire in the attempt.
Experience teaches that doing so much for others does not necessarily mean that others will do the same for us. On the contrary, sometimes the effect is counterproductive: you go out of your way for someone because you would like them to be part of your life at all costs, forgetting that moving seas and mountains for that person does not mean that they will reciprocate. In fact, you may be exhausted by someone who will then leave.
that relationship is unreal because it is based on obvious interest, and if it isn't, it's because that person's part isn't there.
The power of reciprocity
We have therefore come to the conclusion that all people are destined to get tired of non-reciprocal affections, of unbalanced behaviors. Reciprocity is fundamental because in his absence only one person loses, but in his presence both win.
When a balance is not found in the mechanism of giving and receiving, especially on an emotional level, a deficit occurs that can lead to the breaking of the “bonds” that keep people together. The power of reciprocity lies in loving and feeling loved so that the bonds last.
"What I like about mutual and selfless help between two people is the uncertainty of not knowing, in the end, who was lucky enough to know who."
-Anonymous-
A simple smile, a gesture of appreciation or simply a hug are in themselves a sign of wanting to strengthen a bond: if you give it, you can only expect the same in return. Do for others, without sacrificing your inner self: moving seas and mountains makes no sense if no one wants to help you do it.
