Last update: May 20, 2016
Showing kindness in a sincere way is much more difficult than doing it with your own interests as a priority. In this way, many people are labeled as "selfish people" by those who suspect that they will only agree to contribute to a good cause if they can benefit personally from it.
An interest that, on the other hand, is also legitimate, even if it is frowned upon due to a further significant element: the "selfish" person is accused not only of adhering to the good cause for his own benefit, but also of doing so only if this benefit actually exists.
This type of behavior, which we often realize too late, has more to do with cunning or selfishness than with kindness, solidarity or dedication to others. Being a good person is not the same as being a shrewd person but, in some contexts, we confuse these two characteristics.: Cunning people can disguise themselves as good people and thus deceive everyone else. Furthermore, when this happens, it is normal to feel disappointment and sadness: we had placed expectations in the other person, which turned out to be not real at all.
The selfish nuance of who is good for interest
Continuing along the same trail of thought, it must be emphasized that, when someone helps us, we like to think that they are doing it because they really care about our needs. Nevertheless, when we discover that their actions are actually motivated by their own interests, we immediately take away value from the shares themselves, even if the benefit it has represented for us is the same in both cases.
The damage is caused by the fact that we realize the real reason behind those acts of kindness: if self-interest is the basis of the actions and strategies used to achieve a goal, it is likely that that person is acting by virtue of one's own benefit, and not in solidarity.
About this, good people who, however, are guided by cunning, retain a certain selfish tinge, as they themselves and their goals are always at the center of everything they do. In fact, precisely for this reason, any altruism and concern for others are always relegated to the background, as we will see below.
“Selfishness is not synonymous with self-love, but with a disordered passion for oneself”.
-Aristotle-
Selflessness: inside the essence of goodness
If the first side of the coin is cunning stained with selfishness, the second side is selflessness. This is the fundamental characteristic that defines goodness, above all else. Selfless people are dedicated to others, they care about them, and most of all, they are supportive and dedicated.
In fact, good people and people who act accordingly, carry out certain actions trying not to harm anyone and avoiding their own interests, if they know that these can harm others. Altruism is always looking for the good of others and does not care what it will receive in return: doing good without thinking about who.
“As far as man is concerned, neither his lands nor his wealth nor his customers nor the bed where he sleeps or the glass from which he drinks matters. What matters is how much goodness he has, because this is the highest good of man ”.
-Seneca-
It is true that self-love is fundamental, however a selfless person firmly maintains limits: it is not a question of showing a lack of interest in oneself, but understanding that goodness arises from a free and voluntary act, which has the purpose of helping others.
The qualities of good people, not crafty ones
We can define this kind of selfish help as the artificial ability to reach an end. In other words, self-interest is not harmful because it pushes us to do certain actions. What harms is using that drive to manipulate and take advantage of others.
On the other hand, among the qualities of a good person we find those we have already listed, to which we can add a few more. For instance, a good person is kind to both the people they need and those they don't need, does favors to those who owe and to those who owe nothing and gives their place in line to a person who is in a hurry, even if he does not want to flirt.
Finally, and above all, we cannot forget that, doing acts of kindness voluntarily and without self-interest, values ​​of empathy and humility are transmitted, which gives rise to a feeling of complete fulfillment within the good person.
“Only good feelings can unite us;
interest has never forged lasting unions "
-Comte-
