Last update: April 30, 2020
Living accompanied by emotional insecurity means carrying a great burden. Doubting everything and especially ourselves is one of the great obstacles to our personal fulfillment. Living fearful, lacking in confidence and indecisive is like trying to keep your balance on a loose rope, on which we do stunts to avoid falling.
It may be that this emotional insecurity has always been with us, that it is the result of an unhappy childhood marked by the absence of a sense of protection and security. Or perhaps it arose for the exact opposite, in other words for an excessive protection that made us feel inferior and invalid. It may also be that it emerged following a traumatic situation that marked us very deeply and strongly.
Emotional insecurity is the great enemy of progress, the great boycott of self-esteem and the greatest obstacle to building strong bonds. If we allow ourselves to be invaded by it, it will take over us and end up nullifying our will through constant criticism and questioning. However, we can always protect ourselves so that this does not happen and, in the worst case, begin to rebuild the sense of security that has been lost.
"Lack of trust is the mother of all uncertainties."
-Aristophanes-
What is emotional insecurity?
Emotional insecurity arises from constant self-doubt, towards their abilities, their feelings and their way of acting. It is a constant state of doubt that paralyzes and awaits confirmation from other people, most of the time as a coin to gain false peace of mind.
We cannot forget that life is insecurity and uncertainty, in fact, the Spanish philosopher and essayist Ortega y Gasset would say that it is radical insecurity, since one can cease to exist at any moment. The problem is that we are not aware of it. We spend the day planning and organizing, deluding ourselves about the future with the certainty that everything will go as we expect. And, suddenly, everything breaks into a thousand pieces, we leave the path we are on or, simply, this ends and we have to start a new one.
Knowing that everything can change in a matter of seconds can help us live in other ways, for example more intensely. However, this it does not mean that you have to adopt insecurity as a companion in your routine, but rather to take it into account. Because, sooner or later, it will make its entrance on the scene. And the best thing is to be prepared to face it.
Does this mean that it is better to be insecure and not take anything for granted? No, just that sometimes we have to remember this to avoid living in imaginary worlds. Excessive emotional insecurity also harms us because, in addition to invalidating any feeling of self-confidence, it can expand to any area of ​​our life. How to advance when we are unsure of anything?
The important is discern between general insecurity, as an external indicator, and emotional insecurity, a state much more specific internal about us and how we evaluate ourselves. In this way, taking into account that change is permanent, like uncertainty, is normal and can even help us see life in another way; but it is also important to have faith in ourselves and not wait for others to tell us what we need to do or how well we do things to be well.
Characteristics of an insecure person
To better understand the universe of emotional insecurity and its repercussions, è It is important to know what it is to be an insecure person. Below we expose some of the most common characteristics of people who have adopted this state as part of themselves.
- Fear of criticism, judgments and opinions of others.
- Constant need to show their successes and to receive praise and attention to feel valid and capable.
- Tendency to perfectionism and competitiveness.
- We are often on the defensive.
- Low self-esteem.
- Attempts to infect others with doubts and insecurity.
- Frequent use of false modesty.
- Great sense of self-doubt.
"Distrust is a sign of weakness."
-Indira Gandhi-
Insecure people are conditioned by constant internal warfare, a struggle between their need to emerge and prove to others that they are valid and a profound sense of inability and inadequacy. In the most serious cases, they believe they are worthless if others do not value them. In other words, they become invisible to themselves.
The Austrian psychoanalyst Alfred Adler proposed the concept of an inferiority complex as an identifier of these subjects. He stated that insecure people have a constant struggle for superiority which can even negatively affect their relationships as they can feel happy by making others unhappy. Furthermore, he qualified this kind of behavior as typical of neurosis.
Not all insecure people are characterized by this way of being. It depends on the degree of distrust they have towards their abilities or their successes.
Strategies for managing emotional insecurity
It is possible to diminish the constant self-doubt and thus banish this negative insecurity that we have command. The important thing is to know that the effort must be ours and that, if we are used to underestimating ourselves, this process will take a long time.
Belief in ourselves is one of the strongest pillars we can build to avoid collapsing and letting ourselves be invaded by malaise, but it also involves constant daily work. For this we must take into account some aspects:
- Avoid comparisons.
- Accepting our strengths and weaknesses.
- Don't take criticism personally.
- Healing the wounds of the past, those that little by little have made the seed of constant worry and doubt grow in us.
- Develop a sense of humor.
- Don't seek the approval of others.
- Valuing every step forward, every success, every progress.
- Give up the belief that you have to be perfect.
- Take care of our inner dialogue.
We have discovered the right path to take, how about taking it? Valuing ourselves is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves. Having confidence in ourselves and in our abilities is a bridge to personal growth.
