Last update: May 20, 2015
Sometimes it's not easy. Sometimes emotions weigh a lot, too much and we feel overwhelmed, surrounded by a reality that we don't know how to face.
Nobody comes into this world with a manual under their arm and a microchip in their heart, capable of dictating to us literally what we must do and how to act at all times.
Couple relationships are complex, since two universes have to be harmonized into one; two universes that come together, are integrated into a single system, in the same road to be traveled with tranquility and happiness.
However, how do you do it? Discussions, different interests, loneliness and misunderstandings ... emotional intelligence offers us a theoretical framework from which we can learn and re-evaluate many aspects of our life.
However, we must be aware of one thing: the couple ship will not be able to sail with only one captain. The cooperation of two people is needed to face the tides and thunderstorms. Do you want to know the key points for the success of your relationship?
To love is not just wanting, but understanding
This is a phrase from Françoise Sagan. At the basis of emotional intelligence there is understanding one's own emotions and those of others, knowing how to identify the reality and needs of the other.
This type of knowledge always begins in ourselves: if we know how to identify our emotions (happiness, anger, illusion, fear, anxiety), we will also be able to recognize our partner's emotions.
Being the mirror of the other
A relationship must be a path for two people to grow not only as individuals, but also as a couple. This means that we must allow the other to think differently from ours, to have their own needs and to mature both professionally and personally, within the couple.
It must not be a relationship in which it is forbidden or forbidden, a relationship in which there is no freedom. We must be aware of the fact that in an emotionally intelligent relationship, everyone must be the mirror of the other: “I understand and respect you”, “I know what you feel, what you need”.
We must not try to change the other and make him act according to our will, we must try to fit the pieces of both together so that the relationship is harmonious. “Falling in love means meeting yourself, outside of yourself”.
Communication
We must listen constantly and actively. Obviously it often happens that we are told things that we do not like to hear, but understanding always starts from this.
All quarrels and differences need a good dialogue to communicate ideas, emotions, feelings. It is always important to verbalize our complex inner world aloud: "I feel that", "I think that", "I feel", "it happens to me that".
Speak in the first person so that the other person understands you, but listen to yourself while you speak.
People skilled in emotional intelligence usually set rules when they communicate, they know how to negotiate, find the right moment and just sit and talk.
There are people who, for example, prefer to keep everything inside until they arrive home, in an intimate environment in which to express everything they feel, think and need.
Self-knowledge and acceptance of the other
To build an effective couple relationship, it is essential to know yourself and your limits, your insecurities, your fears and your needs.
Sometimes, immature people are the ones who have the most trouble establishing bonds with their partner. They are insecure people, full of doubts, jealous… who have not yet fully accepted themselves on a personal level. It is essential to know yourself, only then will you be able to understand others. To maintain ties, it is also essential to know how to accept the other
Offenses are useless. We all have strengths and weaknesses, limits that must be known and accepted. If you love someone, you don't have to try to change their personality. We need to build a reality where you both accept each other. When one tries to change the other, one indirectly forces him to unhappiness.
Love is a great adventure. However, it is also a long journey that takes time and wisdom. Emotional intelligence is an excellent standard on which to rely, from which to take inspiration to achieve balance as a couple, especially in moments of crisis and doubts that everyone has experienced at least once.
