Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Well-being, just like inner balance, is not something that changes periodically and regularly, as time does. The quality of our choices and decisions often depend on our emotions. For this we can say that emotions affect the quality of our life. Taking this into account, it is important to know how to recognize a number of emotional mistakes that limit our happiness. To correct these emotional mistakes we need to start making changes right away.
Daniel Goleman in his book Being a leader states that at least 80% of the success we achieve in life depends on our ability to manage emotions. Success doesn't just refer to a prominent place in the workplace. It is not even about becoming a go-to person or being an undisputed guru in certain skills.
What is happiness?
By success, we mean a very simple thing: to be happy. Sooner or later, we all understand that happiness is not found by chance. We can't hope to find it in the postbox someday. Happiness is a state of mind that we must take care of every day as if it were a delicate garden. We need to get rid of weeds, sow certain seeds, prune a certain number of branches and know what substances feed it.
Likewise, being competent in emotional intelligence can open up many avenues for us. Sometimes, however, instead of acting wisely in this area, we let ourselves go. We just grope, act instinctively. We are often driven by insufficient education in emotional matters.
Three emotional mistakes that limit our happiness
The denial
I see you didn't succeed. How do you feel? Are you sure you're okay? / Are you really not angry? / Are you sure nothing's happening to you? / Can you assure me that what happened doesn't interest you? / How about putting a stone on it?
These are just a few examples of a whole series of questions that are commonly asked of us in everyday life. Usually the answer is always the same: “Nothing happens, everything is fine”. Hide or deny our feelings is an almost normal reaction for many of us. This, however, is one of the worst emotional mistakes that limit our ability to be happy.
Of course, we can't always be transparent with everyone. Nonetheless, very few principles of personal hygiene are as relevant as practicing emotional assertion. Because suppressing or concealing what hurts us will not make us stronger or more competent. On the contrary, it will destroy us internally, little by little. We are not like the sea and its waves that break every day without complaining. We have every right and duty to bring out what hurts us, to complain and to open up to each other.
We flee from troublesome feelings
Some emotions we do not like, they make us uncomfortable and we leave them aside because we do not tolerate them in our life. Anger, frustration, disappointment, anguish, etc. How unsightly they can be, can't they? We end up putting them in a corner because, in addition to making us uncomfortable, we don't know what to do with them.
Let's not forget what the famous neurologist Antonio Damasio pointed out: we are emotional beings that one day we learned to think. We are not machines that suddenly realize they have feelings. Leaving room for emotions, letting them flow and finding their own place, means accepting ourselves. It means strengthening mental health.
I must be happy!
The third of our emotional mistakes is this need that is so fashionable today: the obsession with being happy. We chase happiness like someone embarking on a journey without a destination. Like who goes to buy, without knowing what. Like someone who feels an immense emptiness and does not know how to fill it. This type of anguish, or the intuition that something is missing, often leads us to feed on a substitute for happiness that neither restores nor satisfies us. On the contrary, it causes frustration and unhappiness.
Let's stop for a moment. Just a moment to take a breath and reflect. Because we often settle for simple gratifications without investing in a solid project. This project is ourselves. Few emotional mistakes are as serious as looking elsewhere for what is inside us. Understanding this concept will save us from great suffering.
We work every day in this delicate jewelery in which self-esteem, self-love, vital projects, self-affirmation and passion are embedded. Because every life that has meaning comes close to happiness. All of these emotional mistakes can be changed and corrected today if we act with willpower.
