Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Emotional predators are black octopuses that capture everything. They impoverish us with their demands, they consume us with their behavior, their offenses, their manipulation and personal insult. They can be parents, partners, friends, and even children to whom we grant the power of abuse and over whom we do not exercise our authority and dignity.
Mark Twain said with a touch of irony that the concept of “giving and receiving” also requires being skilled enough to give one thing and take ten. Well, experts like Adam Grant, professor at the University of Pennsylvania and author of the book Give and Take, tell us that the people who take would not exist without those who give.. In other words, we ourselves often fall into the spiral of one-to-one exchange, allowing the scales to always tip on one side only.
Emotional predators have a distinctive signature - they love to get more than they give. They turn reciprocity in their favor, putting their own interests before the needs of others.
The culprits are not sought, but it is necessary be aware that in every interaction there is an exchange. It is normal for human beings to offer their time, ideas, help, advice, to support others and to support them. Some people, however, have the innate ability to give light, nurture, and support other people. They do it without realizing it, because they conceive life in this way.
Unfortunately, alongside a generous person there will always be one accustomed to taking. Someone who acquires power by dint of being served, someone who (let's not forget) acts with a sort of radar to identify the most generous and feed on them without restraint.
Emotional Predators: Are You Born or Made?
There are no studies that explain whether the habit of taking advantage of other people's emotions is acquired over time or is innate. However, pediatrician and researcher William Sears, known for his studies on parental attachment, introduced the term "high-need children" in the 90s. According to the expert, some children come into the world with a more intense emotional need. They are small with sleep disorders and whose growth is much more complex and demanding.
This may explain why some people are more used to receiving than giving, more likely to be served than to give attention. However, many experts reject this idea, offering other equally interesting and illuminating points of view. In 1979, for example, professors Robert Raskin and Calvin S. Hall developed a scale to measure an individual's level of narcissism, arguing that emotional predators are narcissistic personalities. Their study highlighted this toxic and exhausting model.
Emotional predators are another face of narcissism - they have a feeling of superiority in them that makes them feel worthy to be the center of attention, to take control of every conversation, to have exclusivity over any initiative, authority. in any project, attention in all circumstances and forgiveness in guilt. They are like black octopuses that grab everything and deprive others of all energy, rights and self-esteem.
Most of us tend to give everything in friendship and couple relationships, often assuming that others will do the same; for this reason, it is difficult for us to recognize emotional predators, which, on the other hand, have a radar to identify people like us.
How to defend yourself from emotional predators?
Emotional predators are very good at recognizing their "victims". On the contrary, those who are used to giving everything in exchange for nothing, to see a relationship as a sincere relationship of mutual exchange based on affection and attention, is not at all able to recognize the "danger".
Let's find out what to do to protect ourselves from these toxic profiles.
Listen to the body's signals
Emotional predators generate malaise. At first we may not notice their devious attitude, their tricks and their intentions. However, we cannot ignore the contradiction that is generated within us, the feeling of physical tiredness, the exhaustion that we often feel when we are close to these people.
Don't idealize a person
When a person acts with the aim of annoying us, making us feel unwell or generating a contradiction in us, it is easy to justify it.. We tell ourselves that it will be the fault of the stress, that he will have done it without wanting to, that he will understand that he was wrong and will apologize. We tend to idealize that person because, perhaps, he is our partner, a friend of ours or a brother. We idealize her because we love her without realizing that we are feeding her misbehavior.
We must learn to deactivate the filters that we place before reality and begin to see others for what they are.
Be assertive
We might suggest that the best strategy for defending ourselves from emotional predators is to keep our distance. Nonetheless, this is not always a viable choice nor the smartest one. It is right that these people realize the consequences of their actions, and for this purpose the ideal is to show them our limitations, demonstrating what are (or can be) the consequences of their behavior.
- Sooner or later we will stop giving priority to those who always put themselves before any circumstance.
- Those who think they deserve more than others will sooner or later receive indifference.
We must practice zero tolerance with those who are used to treading on our limits. Always making use of assertiveness, we must learn to show what we do not tolerate, what we need, what we are willing to give and what we expect to receive in return.
It is important to recognize in time who comes into our life with the intention of consuming us, of taking away our happiness. As the saying goes, it's better to be safe than sorry.
