Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Emotional withdrawal occurs after a relationship ends. Detaching from this emotional bond is not easy, indeed the suffering experienced is usually devastating for our brain. This process is very similar to the withdrawal crises experienced by drug addicts, a kind of neurochemical chaos that is not easy to get rid of.
Who more and who less has lived this experience on their own skin. Teenagers know this when they experience the end of their first love, the pain of distance or the disappointment of rejection. Adults know this, because experiences are useless when it happens suddenly, when love expires, when infidelity arises or when, simply, we realize that it is necessary to terminate a relationship without a future or too painful.
Letting go, when you still love, hurts. We are not prepared to get used to absence, to accept the final end and the obligation to rebuild our life without our partner. However, we must do it and succeeding in doing so gives us inner strength and adequate psychological resources.
The real problem, however, arises when, far from turning the page, one falls into an obsessive circle, a vicious circle of new opportunities, feeling the need to contact the ex, to beg for attention, to reclaim an already expired and impossible love. . We are talking about a situation marked by emotional dependence, an emotional withdrawal crisis that plunges the person into a state of total vulnerability and extreme suffering.
Emotional withdrawal or inability to say goodbye
Carlo is 30 years old and seven months ago he broke up with his girlfriend. He met Paola at school when he was 16. They attended the same faculty and then started a small business together. The last few years have not been easy; the debts, a company that has never been successful and Paola's discouragement for a project that was not progressing have jeopardized their relationship.
Although Carlo insisted on continuing to be together, Paola left him after a conversation in which she explained to him clearly and sincerely that there was nothing more to be done. Their relationship ended there. However, and despite the explanations she received from her, Carlo continues to contact her. Check out her profiles and statuses every day, and figure out ways to meet her.
Our protagonist is not only obsessed with the relationship he no longer has, he is unable to work or carry out any other activity. His emotional withdrawal crisis is so intense it made him the shadow of himself, an emotional addict immersed in an anxious-depressive circle.
Let's look at further characteristics of an emotional withdrawal crisis.
The 5 characteristics of the emotional withdrawal crisis
It should be known that, usually, when we put an end to an emotional relationship, we can all suffer from emotional withdrawal. However, it is only a phase of bereavement that must motivate us to implement intelligent and useful strategies to move forward. Some resources allow us to smooth out the path to overcome the end of the relationship with maturity.
Among the characteristics of this natural psychological condition are:
- Stagnation and persistent suffering, common in people with low self-esteem and characterized by a strong emotional dependence towards the partner.
- Failure to be convinced of the end of the relationship. The person presents a clear denial.
- Anxious and obsessive behavior. The subject is unable to make "zero contact", he will always find an excuse to search, contact, call, etc.
- The emotional addict is unable to tolerate pain. Lacking the tools to manage it, he feels paralyzed and reacts to suffering by seeking further opportunities for reunion.
- Complex symptomatology, intense and devastating that clearly damages the health of the person: insomnia, lack of appetite, concentration problems, lack of interest in life, discomfort, etc.
How to deal with the emotional withdrawal crisis?
Carlo, the boy in our example, presents all the psychological and behavioral traits of the emotional withdrawal crisis. In his case, he first of all needs the help of a professional and adequate psychological therapy. No one deserves to live in such a state of vulnerability, no one must stop loving each other to the point of being suspended in an existential illogic and in such a destructive state of suffering.
If we have reached this extreme or if we are facing the end of a relationship, it would be good to reflect on the following strategies. Key tools to keep in mind.
- Suffering from emotional withdrawal crises, in normal parameters of intensity and duration, is normal. However, it is necessary understand it as a transitory phase, a state that must leave room for another more balanced, balanced and strong.
- Accept negative emotions like sadness, desolation, despair. They have been that sooner or later must pass to favor acceptance and overcoming.
- The "zero contact" is essential in these cases. It is essential not to have our ex in the various social networks or among our contacts. It is the first step to get out of his life avoiding falling into perverse dynamics.
- Making changes is rewarding. Meeting new people or starting new hobbies will be of great help to "clear your mind" and break the cycle of obsession.
During this process we should not put aside precious aspects such as our self-esteem, our dignity, our values ​​or vital purposes. The end of a relationship should not be seen as the end of the world, rather as a vital stage and the obligatory initiate of something that will undoubtedly give us beautiful things and a stronger, even more beautiful version of ourselves.
