The emotionally mature person has gone a long personal journey to acquire this competence. She has learned from her failures and, in a given moment, has decided to finally be responsible for her fate
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
An emotionally mature person knows that on many occasions life is neither easy nor fair. He does not blame anyone for his happiness or sadness and does not put the key to his well-being in the pockets of others. He limits himself to taking responsibility for his decisions, he is the author of every step and choice, as well as of the possible consequences.
The concept of emotional maturity, and therefore of an emotionally mature person, was one of the pillars of Albert Ellis's theories. For those unfamiliar with the father of cognitive-behavioral therapy, it must be said that he is one of the most prominent figures in psychology. It's hard to match her enthusiasm for his life and work.
He wrote more than 80 books, 1800 articles, trained more than 200 therapists and founded an institute that bears his name and in which people are taught to recognize, refine, and replace their negative or limiting beliefs with healthier ones. Those that promote well-being and mature growth, so as to achieve their goals.
All his works convey the need to deliver basic tools with which to facilitate one's growth and maturity as human beings. The strategies, or principles, that we set forth below contain the essence of the notions that Albert Ellis gave us through what he considered his true goal: to make suffering more manageable.
"If aliens found out how we humans think, they'd die laughing."
-Albert Ellis-
The truths accepted by an emotionally mature person
1- The world is not what you want it to be
Many would like to be able to change the past, be like the writer who completes a chapter, reread it and decides to delete a few paragraphs so that the story makes more sense.
However, sometimes life doesn't make sense, even if it is hard to believe. Some things seem to have no logical explanation; they are events, facts and circumstances that we are forced to accept in order to move forward.
The emotionally mature person has therefore learned that he cannot change others. It cannot wait for people to act or say what they expect. Such an attitude would certainly be an additional source of suffering.
2- She knows that to be happy she must be responsible for herself
Bertrand Malle, a cognitive psychologist at Brown University, in 2004 conducted a study through which he analyzed the relationship between happiness and the way our mind understands the concept of personal responsibility.
It follows that attributing responsibility to others for what happens to us generates a clear malaise. It's like living in a world of ostriches, just hiding our heads while we blame the world for our failures and depressions.
However, it is clear that we do not have control over every aspect of our reality. However, we have the opportunity to choose how to act in the face of the reality that we have to live. It is precisely here that the key to everything lies, as well as the route traveled every day by the emotionally mature person.
It doesn't matter if my childhood wasn't exactly the best, it doesn't matter if my partner left me. The need to recover from what happened to me is mine, because the past doesn't have to determine me. The present belongs to me, I am responsible for my person and I can guide it with new and better tools.
3- He found that he is allowed to change when he wishes
The emotionally mature person gives himself permission to change. Because changing means growing and adapting one's direction with greater precision after having acquired new teachings.
Taking another step in our growth often means leaving things and people behind for thus reducing those weights that limit us, that erode our personal value and well-being. It means stocking up on courage and clear resolution, as we understand that our potential is contained in our ability to deal with periodic change.
4- You need to carry an emotional compass in your pocket
On every journey along our life paths, we need an emotional compass. It will always orient us towards a North where fears do not weigh too much, where there are no anxieties and where anxiety does not stop our steps.
The emotionally mature person has learned to manage states that have caused undesirable consequences, and from which he has somehow learned. Each compass must be well calibrated, and you learn to do this with experience, paying more attention to your inner states, to irrational thoughts, to the emotions that bring out the worst in us.
5- You don't have to be in love to be happy
The emotionally mature person does not seek love obsessively. She doesn't avoid it, she doesn't run away from it, but at the same time she doesn't need it. Because he knows that in affective matters what is worth, what really matters, is being able to grow. Learning together with someone who enriches the journey of our life, a person who does not forbid our emotional values, but rather nurtures and expands them.
In the heart of an emotionally mature person, only loves that know of balance are allowed, enthusiasm and projects in which both partners can pursue their goals, while having a common space. If this does not happen, he will always prefer solitude, because even in this territory personal well-being and satisfaction can reside.
To conclude, we would like to underline one aspect. No one arrives in this already emotionally mature world, this title is obtained over time, acquiring new and better skills day after day to be included in one's existential baggage. Therefore, be receptive to these life lessons.
