Last update: February 10, 2018
When we are ferns, it is easy to smile and for others to deduce our positive mood. However, when we are serious, this interpretation becomes much more subjective. Will it be sad? Tired out? Annoyed? This is why it is so important to be able to express your feelings.
Giving voice to feelings creates empathy. This way, others will get to know us better and will know what to do and what not to do to avoid misunderstanding or anger. Expressing your feelings helps you cope with difficult situations and improves self-knowledge. Below, we will show you some strategies by which it is easier to express your feelings.
How to express your feelings?
Search for its origin
Giving words to a heap of sensations is complex. Many times, we are not aware of the root cause of our bad mood. First, therefore, we must ask us what changed our mood. What makes us feel this way?
You can try to relax for a couple of minutes to try to identify what has brought about a change within you. Track down what caused you to experience this accumulation of sensations. Close your eyes if you think it will help you and think. What creates surprise, joy, sorrow, contempt or fear in you?
Increase your emotional vocabulary
Saying a simple "I'm sick" or "I'm fine" helps, but very little. Try to be more specific and precise with the words you use to name what you feel. The more concrete you are, the better you understand your emotions
For example, imagine that you are angry with your boss for making a scene in front of your colleagues and you were hurt. When you have to explain it to another person, you can use adjectives like "embarrassed", "helpless", "annoyed", "angry" or "humiliated". This will allow the other person to understand you and know how to help you.
Use emotional verbs such as "I feel", "I feel", "I feel" rather than "I believe", "I think" or "I feel". The latter are easily reversed because they do not refer to your inner condition, but to your mental process.
The “try not to think about it” method doesn't work
Let's imagine that your partner doesn't like having their hair touched. Whenever you do, he gets annoyed. If he doesn't veil he says, you keep doing it to show your affection and your partner accumulates anger. There will come a time when he will explode with whatever is going on around him and you will not understand why.
You will think that he is exaggerating and you will attribute the cause of his discomfort to another situation. The consequences, therefore, will not be those hoped for. And the fear of him, his annoyance or his anger will pour out on you. With this example, we can realize that keeping quiet is not the best option. Trying not to think about it and denying it does nothing but prolong our malaise, the restlessness of those who surround us and generate conflicts.
Communicate feelings, not thoughts
When we want to express our feelings, we use the verb “to feel”. If thoughts are transmitted and communicated, the verb "feel that" is used. The difference is subtle and lies in whether or not the particle is included. For example, "I feel scared" (feeling) or "I feel the fear is paralyzing me" (thought).
In the latter case, we rationalize an emotion, in other words, we face a situation. It means that we have already cognitively processed the event that corresponds to the source of our feelings. We are no longer explaining the effects it has within us, but its possible consequences.
Practice emotional responsibility
If you start the conversation with “you make me feel…”, not only are you blaming the other person, but you are also empowering him or her over your feelings. The responsibility for feelings is personal and non-transferable. Wanting to unload it on others is neither ethical nor real. Also, it can create problems with the people around you.
Speak freely
How do you feel after sharing something you have been holding for a long time? How did you get rid of a burden, right? Talking is therapeutic and redeeming. According to numerous studies, people who avoid expressing their emotions are at higher risk of suffering from cancer (Chapman, Fiscella & Kawachi 2013).
As people, we cannot avoid feeling emotions. It is part of our nature. For this, the best way to respect ourselves is to learn to live with them. Accept them and try to understand them.
If you try to do it once, the next will be easier. And so until you manage to naturalize it and transform it into a habit of your daily life. If you succeed, you will have a great emotional advantage over the rest of the people.
Giving voice to healthy emotions
When we express what we feel aloud, the intensity of the discomfort associated with this emotion decreases. This is due to the fact that, by giving it a voice, our amygdala decreases its activity, which in turn reduces the emotional reaction. (Lieberman et al., 2007).
Knowing how to express one's feelings increases psychological strength and the ability to face difficult moments and situations (Kross et al., 2009). It makes us mentally prepared and helps us understand how to react in the face of exceptional events.
Although it is not an easy task, investing time to express your feelings in a better way increases the quality of your interpersonal relationships. It is an endeavor that requires continuous introspective work and complete acceptance of oneself.
