Last update: December 22, 2018
Everyone gets criticized, but can we talk later? It can happen to develop a true one fear of being criticized. Being criticized is not pleasant for anyone, especially when it comes to negative criticism.
Not all criticisms, however, are negative. Some are constructive, meaning they help us improve various aspects of ourselves. Sometimes, however, we do not even appreciate these criticisms or perhaps they are made to us at a time when we are not particularly receptive. Regardless of the type of criticism, how can we overcome the fear of being criticized?
Fear of being criticized
Most of the time, we experience criticism as a personal affront. Have you ever stopped to think about the reason for a criticism?
If we don't reflect on whether the person criticizing us is angry or to what extent they are right, then we will immediately get on the defensive. And we will not benefit from the situation
If we calm down and clarify the matter, perhaps we will realize that perhaps we can change some of our attitudes. So criticism will serve us to learn and maintain a good relationship with this person. Facing it in this way helps fight the fear of being criticized.
On the other hand, it can happen that the person who criticizes us is wrong and has a point of view that we do not share. If we do not express ourselves assertively, we may go so far as to give in in every other respect for fear of being criticized. In this way, we will feed the manipulation that this person is exercising on us and our feelings of self-worth.
Accepting criticism is equally beneficial
The first step in overcoming the fear of being criticized is learning to be criticized. This is achieved primarily by learning to react calmly. The advantages are numerous:
- We learn to control negative emotions.
- We will not feel attacked.
- We learn to separate criticism from our self-esteem. The criticisms are just opinions.
By staying calm and reacting calmly to criticism, we can better respond to you. In this way:
- We can evaluate if the criticism is positive or if it is just an intent to manipulate us.
- If it is positive, we can learn from it and don't ruin the relationship with the person in question.
- If it is positive, but the person has not been able to use the right words, we can understand it and show them how to communicate best.
- Criticism could be a strategy to manipulate us. In this case, if we manage to remain calm and relaxed, the other person will feel frustrated.
- If we don't react in an angry way, we don't show our weak or sensitive points.
- We value ourselves. We are the judges of our conduct. If we are wrong, it is wise to rectify our behavior. Conversely, we will have to peacefully confirm our point of view. Even if the other person insists, we will not fall into his trap.
- It allows us to positively get out of a situation which, in most cases, becomes very unpleasant.
What negative thoughts interfere with criticism?
Some thoughts are helpful in dealing with a criticism in the best possible way. By changing them, we will stop being afraid of being criticized.
Thoughts about ourselves
“I was wrong again, what a disaster!”, “What a shame I got hurt!”. When we think in these terms, every mistake is intense as a failure.
The most rational thought would be: “Was I wrong? First of all, I want to verify that I was really wrong. If so, I have the right to be wrong. How can a mistake make me a bad person? It just proves that I'm a human being ”.
Thoughts about the situation
“What an unpleasant and humiliating situation. I can't take it anymore, I have to go away ”. The belief behind this claim is that things must always be easy, which must go our way. Rational thinking instead would be: “The situation is unpleasant, but I can't? Is it better to escape or face it? " Even if it is an unpleasant situation, listen to it, you may learn from it.
Thoughts about others
“He's ridiculing me. She wants to show me off. She does it to attack me, she seems to like to miss me ”. These thoughts hide from the idea that bad people deserve to be punished. Everyone else must be kind and give us what we need. If not, they are worth nothing.
This thought can be replaced with a more rational one. We could say to ourselves, for example, “How can I understand its intentions? I can't read his mind. What if he's doing it to annoy me? Even if it were, sometimes humans are not as good as we would like. I'm not perfect either. "
It is possible to overcome the fear of being criticized, but first we must accept that others criticize us and react calmly. After that, we will have to change certain thoughts about criticism.
