Fear of acknowledging lack, harm and vulnerability can keep us stuck in pain and dissatisfaction. What can we do to get out of this state?
Last update: June 28, 2022
Do you know people who avoid going to the doctor, undergoing tests or routine checks for fear of "finding out something"? Haven't you gone to the dentist or dermatologist for fear of having to undergo painful surgery? Well, when it comes to mental health, we often act the same way: we turn a deaf ear to the needs of our being and we become convinced that there is nothing wrong with us because the fear of touching the wound is too great.
It is important to remember that therapy is not just for those with severe mental disorders. In fact, it is a recommendable experience for everyone. To a greater or lesser extent, we all have stories, past pains and unresolved emotions, but we do everything possible to hide them under a thousand carpets.
Thus, it is easy to continue with our life by concealing or ignoring those inner wounds; however, if you do not look at them, they will not disappear.
Masquerade costumes for our wounds
Refusal of therapy can take many different forms. "I don't need it", "there's nothing wrong with me", "it doesn't make sense, it doesn't work", "better not think about the past", "I already talk to my friends" .. These statements are there family members?
It is possible that in some people, and at least to some extent, they arise from a real belief that professional help is not needed at any given time. However, in a large number of cases they are alone excuses we use for not addressing pain, its origin and its consequences.
It is not easy to recognize defects or shortcomings, to accept that you have been hurt and to feel vulnerable. It is not desirable, in the first place, to remember certain events, ask questions, dive into the depths of the ego and hold oneself responsible.
Often, however, the more we resist, the more we need to do this introspection work. If we are afraid of dealing with the past, it means that we have not yet overcome it.
If the fear of touching the wound is too great, it means that it is still open or has not healed properly. It is normal to be afraid of feeling certain emotions, but doing so is the only way to move forward.
Begin to heal
Human beings have great adaptability, that's true. We can deal with stressful, negative and painful events and be able to stand up and move on.
However, it is also true that our flexibility usually reaches a point. Often we limit ourselves and barely resist the storm and move on, trying not to remember.
Contrary to popular belief, injuries are not caused only by extraordinary events. A paternal attitude during childhood, the rejection of some peers or the betrayal of a friend is enough; a dismissal that made us feel useless, a breakup that made us feel like a failure, a fight, etc.
Even if we pretend that everything is fine, here are some signs which could indicate that we must look at what is ignored:
- A bad relationship with a family member. We wish it were different and we may have tried, but the reality is different. This does not imply that this relationship must be resumed or resolved, but a series of associated emotions must probably be managed.
- Emotions often kidnap us. Anger attacks that you later regret and that compromise the relationship with your children, partner or friends. Having a tendency to be sad and discouraged, anxious or irritated, without really knowing why.
- Difficulty in setting limits and be a willing person, always ready to help others. On the contrary, on several occasions having been accused of selfishness, even if it is not perceived in the same way.
- Depend on loved ones; their actions, words and attitudes affect their mood and happiness. Or, conversely, be overly independent and have a hard time letting your guard down and getting emotionally involved.
- Repeat certain patterns in some areas of life. Perhaps all ex partners are very similar to each other, perhaps you are not able to keep a job over time or you always feel a victim of circumstances and bad luck.
- Avoid talking about some past people and events. Prohibited areas that you do not enter because they still carry an emotional load that is difficult to tolerate.
Overcoming the fear of touching the wound
These are just a few indications that all is not as good as you think. If you feel identified with the scenarios described, remember that these realities are not the result of chance nor are they part of the personality.
They are the result of personal history, experiences and failure to heal. The fear of touching the wound is legitimate, as (no lying) it can be painful.
It follows, in fact, that some of what we thought we knew about us will be destroyed and we will have to open up to what we did not want to recognize. The way we see those around us will change, idealization and guilt will end.
We will now be responsible for our happiness. However, when the wound is healed, we will be able to clearly see its greatness and its influence on your life. Therefore, have the courage to face it and start the change.
