Human harmony does not require magic or tricks, but honesty and the ability to give each other through simplicity, emotional balance and that humble empathy that looks at the other with interest in order to understand their needs and virtues.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
What do we need to connect with others? How to act to impress, excite and leave an indelible mark to establish lasting relationships? All of us, at least once in our lives, have asked ourselves how to decipher that mystery that surrounds human relationships, that enigma that shapes the psychology of connection and that fascinates us so much.
Well, maybe you are wondering what it really means to get in tune, because if we look for this term in the dictionary we will find definitions such as: "putting in contact, joining, joining two things (devices, systems) in order to generate a reaction or some kind of communication". We are well aware that human beings are not machines, but curiously, the brain also has an electrical activity.
The human being connects through emotions. Each of us, as Carl Gustav Jung would say, reacts and transforms when we connect with people who provide stimuli. Our relationships are the result of a fascinating mechanism of chemical and electrical reactions that allow us to create bonds.
The human being needs these connections not only to share spaces, interests or goals. There is an innate need to socialize, to get in tune with others and to find reference figures who give us a gift of their friendship, their affection, unconditional support. Abraham Maslow has in fact placed the needs of affiliation in the third step of his pyramid, giving them importance and relevance in the process of self-realization.
“My hope, however, was that as our gazes locked for those few seconds, she could read my expression, exactly as it did to me. Then that brief moment faded, and she was far away again. '
-Don't Leave Me (2005), Kazuo Ishiguro-
The most effective strategies to connect with others
Sometimes we start a conversation with someone trying to like us, hoping to create a positive connection that allows us to create a bond based on trust and affinity. We do this when someone attracts us. However, we also do this for the purpose of making friends, winning new clients in a professional environment or to build good relationships with co-workers.
Most of us aspire to master perfectly how we connect to others. And it is also true that sometimes this connection flows spontaneously. However, this subtle magic doesn't always come by itself.
Sometimes it's up to us to break the ice. It is up to us to trigger the mechanism that sets the gears of relationships in motion with the right social skills. Let's take a moment to reflect on the strategies that can be useful to us. We list them below.
Inner calm and openness
We know that our brains have an innate need to connect socially with the people around us. The study conducted by Dr. Michael Lieberman of the University of New York, for example, reveals that the sensation of pain felt by the brain when it senses loneliness can be even more intense than the experience of a bump or a wound.
We need to interact and relate to the surrounding environment to create meaningful bonds, but how can we get them? A first step is to understand that sometimes we focus totally on the desire to please or make a good impression, completely forgetting our inner emotional state.
When we are nervous or feel anxious, we project this state onto the person in front of us. The ideal would be to act starting from a state of calm and inner security. Only when we feel good about ourselves can we open up to others to give the best of us, to fascinate and connect us.
Genuine interest and authenticity
Another strategy to connect with others is to be able to show genuine interest in those in front of you. Beyond what one might think, it is not at all easy to master this social skill. There are those who adopt an attitude that is too forced, coming to be artificial or even false, and those who adopt a posture or behavior that creates more distance than closeness.
One must be authentic, sincere, humble and, above all, empathetic. The genuine person uses a smile, a relaxed communication, respects distances, listens and is interested in what she feels, responding accordingly. Let us remember that the human connection only works if there is honesty.
Getting in tune with others through trust and small confidences
The best strategy to get in tune with others is that of create an atmosphere of trust. To do this, you need to resort to a technique well known to great speakers. It is simply a matter of disclosing a confidence. It is neither necessary nor convenient to expose intimate questions, it is just a matter of confiding to the other something about ourselves that arouses empathy.
An example could be the following phrases: "I'm about to reveal a secret to you, the truth is that I'm very nervous", "well let me tell you something strange that happened to me a few days ago ...", "you won't believe it, but from child it happened to me that ... "
There is no foolproof secret that allows us to better connect with others. It is only necessary to use some of these strategies to create greater closeness and well-being, in order to let the dialogue flow freely.
The most important thing of all is to start from an inner well-being, in which there is no room for anxiety and where insecurity has little space. A dimension in which to simply enjoy social interaction. It is much easier than you think.
