When we want another person to change their habits, we need to be able to communicate assertively based on respect and understanding.
Last update: 10 March, 2022
Few situations are as frustrating as seeing a loved one get hurt because of their bad habits. Impotence is great when we try to convey our concern and the other person turns a deaf ear or feels offended. However, if we wish to help someone change their habits, we must start with respect and understanding.
Generally, imposition and criticism are not well received. Nobody likes to feel judged or that someone else decides what he should or shouldn't do.
Here because it is important to be assertive when we make our requests or suggestions for change. In the following lines we give some suggestions to make this communication more efficient.
How can you help change your habits?
Love vs control
First of all, ask yourself about the desire for the other person to change their habits. Does it really come from concern for his well-being or is it a need for control?
Many times, without realizing it, we have certain expectations about how others should be and feel frustrated if they are not met.
However, each person has the free will to decide how to be and what to do with their life. And there is no advantage in trying to change someone; on the contrary, we must accept and value the other. Let us ask ourselves, therefore, if what we wish to change really harms the loved one.
It is legitimate to want a loved one with a cardiovascular disease to stop smoking. But it is not pretending that she has more social life if she does not want it and is introverted by nature.
The right moment
It is important to choose the moment to communicate our concerns or opinion. About this it can be very helpful to wait for the other person to consult us directly.
If, for example, she has an aggressive or irascible disposition, she will often have discussions and then feel bad about it. At that point, she will consult us or tell us what happened.
This is the ideal time to express our point of view, since the person has come to us expressly, therefore he is more receptive to our words.
Likewise, if that doesn't happen, we have to choose the right time. The ideal is to try to deal with the one that is causing discomfort when you are alone and quiet in a pleasant environment. In the midst of the storm, our comments may be unwelcome.
Assertiveness to help change your habits
Assertive communication is crucial when you want to address a sensitive issue. Our first impulse might be to judge or blame others for their bad habits.
For example, their poor diet, little exercise or lack of sensitivity. But this strategy will alienate us.
Conversely, the sandwich technique that consists of can be useful including a compliment before and after the message you want to convey.
In this way, the person will not feel attacked, on the contrary he will be able to perceive that we appreciate him and will try to clarify or improve a situation.
We also try to focus on what we are feeling rather than what the other person is doing wrong. For example: "I am worried and saddened by the little time spent together lately" is more appropriate than "You work all day and pay no attention to me."
Propose alternatives to help change their habits
Many times to propose alternatives is the best option to get someone to change their habits. For example, if we want our child to be more practiced in his studies, we suggest that he do his homework together every afternoon.
If we want a friend to train more because it will be good for their health, we suggest that they join the gym together. Likewise, if we want the partner to be more open, we suggest dining alone one day a week and take the opportunity to talk.
Conclusions
Getting another person to change their habits isn't easy. But if we really feel that she needs that change, we can contribute with mutual understanding, respect and communication.
