The emotionally negligent family thinks that the highly sensitive person is less suited to being in the world. He sees her sensitivity as a weakness and punishes her for it.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2022
You are exaggerated, you always cry, you always have your head in the clouds ... Sometimes the highly sensitive person is forced to grow up in an emotionally negligent family. Neither parents nor siblings have reason to share this personality trait, which in many cases involves misunderstanding, being the easy target towards which jokes and criticisms are directed.
Emotions are the first language of a highly sensitive person. Being born and growing up in a context lacking or not at all expert in this language means being a victim of abandonment and, therefore, believing that you have a problem.
Carl Jung once described the highly sensitive personality as an individual who processes his own reality in a different way thanks to an innate and very particular sensitivity. Therefore, this 20% of the population does not have any disorders, indeed studies such as the one conducted at the University of British Columbia and Cornell University explain to us that the brains of these subjects are superior.
The person with high sensitivity has a genetic variant called ADRA2b. This particularity affects norepinephrine. This makes the nervous system more sensitive and gives it a particular empathy and a strong ability to connect and react to any stimulus.
Al We currently have no studies showing that this personality trait is hereditary. Therefore, the circumstance may arise that many children feel misunderstood. Some families will know how to react, nurture, and respond to this clearly emotional language.
Others, on the other hand, show clearly negligent conduct causing emotional wounds.
"Your sensitivity is not something to fear."
–Elaine N. Aron-
The emotionally negligent family and its effects on the highly sensitive person
The emotionally negligent family is not only unaware of their children's needs, but intentionally ignores them, interferes with them and comes to punish them. These experiences are like the waves of a ferocious ocean that hit the coast: they erode it little by little, leave cracks, deep cavities in the rocks and even prevent native flora from growing there.
Highly sensitive children suffer from this same situation. They are not allowed to understand, validate or reinforce their wonderful virtues. From the early years they will think that the world, too noisy, aggressive and cold, is a scenario from which to protect themselves. Very soon they will try to carve out a small space inside them, in which to take refuge, be invisible, keep their emotions locked up so as not to be punished.
The emotionally negligent family is unaware that neglecting the needs of these children is also a way to mistreat them. Thus, and according to the doctor Jonice Webb, many parents see in these little ones characteristics that need to be corrected. For them, sensitivity is a form of weakness, so they don't think twice about making use of punishment, screaming or comparing with siblings or other children who, in their opinion, are better suited to being in the world: they cry less, they daydream less and are more enterprising.
It is more than necessary to understand some key aspects of a highly sensitive person and their upbringing.
High sensitivity is a genetic trait, it cannot be changed
High sensitivity is the result of a genetic variant. This makes you more sensitive to pain, to visual and auditory stimuli. Certain items of clothing can embarrass the person, just as the sounds of a television or a room where several people are talking together can annoy them.
None of this can be changed. Punishing the personality, the way of living situations or getting excited means causing irreparable and unforgivable damage.
Sensitivity is not weakness
Emotionally neglectful families send a clear message to their children: "you are different and there is something wrong with you that you need to correct." Sometimes even the child is prevented from having access to painting, a musical instrument and even music, because they are considered superfluous.
High sensitivity is not a weakness, but a gift to be understood and used in our favor. Emotions, the way each person understands and relates to their surroundings cannot be vetoed or sanctioned. The effects of these behaviors are undoubtedly immense:
- Low self-esteem.
- Interpersonal difficulties.
- Social isolation.
- Greater vulnerability to bullying.
- Trouble accepting your identity and developing a confident, mature personality.
How to overcome the effects of an emotionally negligent family?
Is it possible to overcome the effects of an emotionally negligent family? In a sense, the highly sensitive person is forced to accept certain things. The first is an undeniable reality: there is nothing wrong or punishable in them. Feeling the world differently is a gift.
Therefore, this virtue can be comparable to looking at reality through a piece of glass placed in front of the sun: the lights and sparks are wonderful, fascinating but the effect of this light always hurts.
It is necessary to learn to move in an environment that will not always be in favor of the highly sensitive person. This requires breaking family obligations, deactivating the imposed codes to reformulate them freely.
Why, the highly sensitive person is not weak. It holds greatness and potential. Strengthening self-esteem, self-acceptance and the correct management of emotions are the best tools.
Likewise, it is crucial to accept that most people don't see as many "colors" in their reality as highly sensitive gaze does. And that's not why we need to complain.
Our reality has as many nuances as there are ways to enjoy it, the important thing is to be able to respect and understand without ruining the magic of each individual.
