Last update: Augusts 04, 2015
Whoever tames his anger has conquered his worst enemy.
(Confucius)
Getting angry is normal and happens to everyone, but sometimes we don't know how to manage our anger. We got angry, and now what do we do? We can react well or badly, because anger is a difficult emotion to control. Some people know how to keep it under control, while others get carried away.
Today we explain how to tame your anger. Are you ready? Street!
Choose our style
The first thing we need to do is think about what we want from our anger, how we should act towards it. To start, it is important to understand what our style is when we get angry. There are 4 options:
1. Passive style
Many people keep anger within themselves, without being aware that they are suppressing it. This is not good since we do not let off steam and therefore we could generate more anxiety. The good side, though, is that these people don't lose control easily, which gives them a chance to reflect instead of reacting aggressively. This style is typical of those with depression.
2. Passive-aggressive style
This is the "bomb" style of those who repress their anger, but know that sooner or later it will burst. In these cases, anger can also present itself indirectly, for example through sarcasm.
3. Explosive style
Explosive people break out at any moment, without repressing themselves. Their tolerance level is very low, so in the face of any frustration they will beat and scream until they let off steam.. They are the typical people who need to punch the table, hit the wall and spit out insults.
4. Winning style
A person with a winning style knows how to express his anger in words. And she does it after understanding what is happening and what is the reason why she is angry, and then explaining it properly and without being aggressive.
Choose our strategy
What's your style? When you have identified it, you need to think about the best strategy to take. We must not forget that when we are angry we often act without thinking, so it is necessary to think about it first.
1. Question your anger
Why am I angry? Do I have any reasons? What should I do now? These are some of the questions we need to ask our own anger. If we think about it, maybe we have no real reason to be angry or, at least, to give it so much importance. Often after this point we will stop being angry but, if not, we move on to the next step.
2. Let go of your anger
Don't repress it! It is not good and, sooner or later, you will no longer be able to keep it inside. Talk to someone, scream, go out for a run - these are just some of the ways to let your anger out. Find your way, we are not all the same. What's your strategy for venting anger?
3. Express anger in words
If we talk to someone about what made us angry, we will be able to calm down. This is because we will have vented. We don't have to keep everything to ourselves, because maybe we are wrong: the person who listens to us can make us see things from a different perspective, as they really are.
4. Choose the right time and place
When we get angry, the worst thing others can do is tell us to calm down. If you are close to someone who is angry, get away! Anger is very contagious, and if you try to calm it down ahead of time, you might get angry too. It is much better to leave the scene and promise yourself to talk to that person later, in the most appropriate place and time.
5. Your body also struggles!
Although mentally the anger may have disappeared, it may not have left our body yet. He also communicates, and usually takes longer than his mind to disconnect. Because of this, even if we no longer feel angry, our face or the body position they might still reflect that anger. Walking, running, or doing some distracting activity might be a good way to get the anger to go away altogether.
Now are you clearer about what you need to do when you get angry? First determine your style (what is it?) And then choose the strategy you want to follow. The most effective is to talk to someone, but remember to do so when you have calmed down. During your rage, you are a bundle of nerves and you could harm the people you love, even if you don't want to.
