Last update: 18 September, 2017
What we are about to tell is no secret. Improving one's sex life is as simple as being more present with one another. It is exactly what we are looking for when we practice mindfulness: full awareness.
More and more people are practicing this technique to relieve stress and to improve their ability to cope with anxiety or depression. However, sometimes it is also used to meditate on our surroundings or even to sleep better. These are some of the many benefits of mindfulness, or full awareness, that help us be more aware of our actions and, therefore, more present. Ultimately, to enjoy the only thing we have beyond our thinking: the present, the people and the feelings that reside there.
Being aware means being present in ourselves, in our dynamics and in the surrounding environment. The best part is that being present and being aware of one's actions goes far beyond meditation. This is the main reason why many therapists recommend it: not only for personal improvement, but also as a method to refine relationships, including relationships, and above all to improve one's sex life.
Mindfulness to improve relationships
Day after day we undergo changes. Negative thoughts, stress, uncertainty and other problems prevent us from enjoying our moments of rest to the fullest. Furthermore, it is equally difficult for us to enjoy the moments we spend with other people (we do it so quickly that we do not feel emotions). For this reason, many relationships come to an end, as we are present with the body but not with the mind and this interferes with many aspects, including sexual.
Sexuality is an aspect of particular importance in the life of a couple. Often the magic disappears because we do not engage in this act with sufficient attention. A person who is not mentally present cannot take full advantage of this moment. His partner, on the other hand, will feel a sense of lack of attention and / or commitment that will cause him to lose interest (and not just sexual interest).
The mindfulness technique teaches us to be aware, therefore to be present, but it also helps us to intensely savor everything that happens around us in order to enhance even the simplest details. This allows us to broaden the experience as a couple, to bring to a spiritual level something that, probably, had only been physical and emotional.
Being fully present during the sexual act will give your partner the confidence that we are being listened to, that we are focused on the moment, that nothing else exists. This not only helps to have a much more satisfying encounter, but, in the long run, helps build and increase trust in the partner and improve intimacy.
Awareness can also help people who are facing a problem related to their sexuality. We are talking about problems related above all to performance anxiety in which the mind, instead of being completely free, finds itself a prisoner of its fears. It is so impossible to focus on one's emotions, on the present act.
Conscious sexuality, conscious love
Too often we are used to not considering sex as a conscious experience. Unfortunately, it is too often associated with alcohol, escapism and fantasies. Sexuality is promoted as the achievement of individual pleasure, assuming that everyone will get theirs, since the pleasure of others is seen as a simple means to achieve their own.
Through conscious sexuality, on the other hand, we want to slow down the pace, explore the moment in a profound exchange, in an emotional and sensorial communication. By paying attention to the heart and body, ours and those of the partner, we find that arousal is only the beginning. Sexual meditation can create a transcendental presence and intense pleasure.
“While you hold your woman's or your man's hand, why not sit quietly? Why not try closing your eyes and listening? Feel the presence of the other, enter the presence of the other, allow the presence of the other to enter you; vibrate together, swing together; if you are caught by a great energy, take possession of it and dance together, you will reach orgasmic heights of pleasure that you have never known before. These pleasures have nothing to do with sex, they are actually the result of silence.
And, if you can, also try to become meditative in your sex life; if you can, stay silent while making love, in some kind of dance, and you will be surprised. It's a process that takes you out to sea "
-Osho-
Enhancing sexual life through conscious sexuality
Practicing mindfulness individually will improve your sex life, especially if your partner practices it as well. However, whether you use this technique or not, there are some ideas of it that you can transfer to your sexual sphere. For example, the following:
Kissing with awareness
Do you remember your first kiss? Do you remember the first time you kissed your current partner? How many times have you dreamed that the magic of the first time came back? That emotion can return if we focus all of our energy on each kiss. Concentrate your strength and your whole being in that kiss.
You and me, here and now
It doesn't matter what is left behind or left out, it doesn't matter what lies ahead. Focus on the present, on yourself and on your partner. There is nothing but you, it did not exist and it will not exist. Don't be in a hurry. Enjoy every gesture, every sensation.
Be aware
It is important to look each other in the eye, to observe oneself deeply to move in the sexual spiritual union.
Feel the energy
During the climax visualize a ball of light dragging you from the bottom of your spine, a ball of light that you will both merge into, through your heart and mind. Let your thoughts melt into that beam of light, feeling that the shared pleasure makes you unique.
"Remember that the best relationship is one in which love for each other outweighs your need for the other."
-Dalai Lama-
Practice mindfulness to improve your life
Reducing stress is key to improving your sex life, because by doing so you can be more mentally present. Mindfulness will help you take a different perspective on the passage of thought through the mind. This way, if you are distracted, you will be more aware of the distraction and, therefore, you will know better how to manage it.
Studies on regular meditation have shown that practicing it can reduce the amount of cortisol in the brain, the hormone responsible for stress. In evolutionary terms, cortisol is produced as a "fight or flight" response, so it directs the blood to essential functions, such as muscles, and away from organs that do not contribute to this escape, such as the genitals. Cortisol, in fact, reduces libido (you don't have time for intercourse when you're running away from a hungry lion). Likewise, if cortisol decreases, libido can increase.
For this reason, mindfulness, awareness, can play a particularly important role in improving sexual life. To the extent that it improves the sexual experience, it also improves the relationship as a couple.
