How to make friends: 10 tips to socialize well 🆙

Meeting new people is not easy for everyone, making good friends is even more difficult. Find out how to overcome shyness and make new friends.

Hi guys, I have a small circle of friends because I'm a shy person. I'm not sure enough of myself to go out and meet new people. I would like some advice on how I can meet new people and make friends.” - John

Making friends with new people can be intimidating, but it's definitely a rewarding accomplishment. After all, friends are the foundation of life for many of us. They are people with whom to spend life together, to share our ups and downs, pains and joys. Without friends, life would never be the same. We wouldn't be who we are if it weren't for them.

types of friendship

If you're looking to make friends with new people, you need to be clear about what kind of friends you want to make. Broadly speaking, there 3 types of friends:

known friends. They are the ones you see at school/work because the context requires it. We say goodbye when we meet and we say goodbye at the end of the day, but that's it. The relationship does not last when the context is removed, that is, when you graduate from school or leave your job.
regular friends. Sociable friends, business associates who get together from time to time to chat or hang out.
Best friends. People you can talk to about anything and everything. They may or may not meet every day, but it doesn't matter, because the strength of their friendship is not determined by how often they meet, it's more than that. These are friends who can be trusted and who support you when you need them.

Most of us are trying to make regular friends and, if possible, best friends. We probably have many acquaintances, more than we can count. The ratio between my acquaintances, normal friends and best friends was once around 60-30-10%. Over the years, meeting more and more people, it has become more like 75-20-5%. I suspect it's the same for other people too, with a variation of around 5-10%.

How to make friends

Whether you want to make friends for new acquaintances, regulars, and best friends, no matter how shy and lonely you may be, by following these tips you'll find a way to get what you're looking for.

If you take a look at people who seem to make friends easily, they were probably loners once too. It is likely that they have developed their social skills over time.

For this reason, you too can learn to be more social if you work at it over time.

Here are my 10 personal tips on how to make friends:

1. Realize that fear is only in your head

The first step is to develop a healthy mental image of what it means to make friends and meet new people.

Some of us see meeting new people as a scary event. We are concerned with making a good impression, pleasing the other person, what to say and how to handle the conversation, etc.

The more we think about it, the scarier it seems. This initial apprehension turns into a mental fear that takes on a life of its own, unknowingly preventing us from making new friends.

Shyness towards others is actually the result of fear.

In fact, all these fears have a foundation only in our heads.

If you think about it, 99% of people are too busy worrying about these same things to pay attention to you. While you care about the impression you make, they care about the impression they will make. In truth, they are just as scared as you.

The remaining 1% are people who recognize that a relationship is built on much stronger values than specific words or things said/done during a single encounter. And even if there are people who judge you for what you do/say, are they people you want to be friends with? I think not.

Recommended: How to Manage Anxiety Effectively

2. Start small with people you already know

If you haven't socialized much, meeting a bunch of new people can seem intimidating. If so, start small first. Reduce the difficulty of the task by starting with your close circle of friends, the people with whom you are most familiar.

Here are some ways to do it:

reach out to acquaintances. Do you have people you talk to often but have never had coffee? Or friends with whom you have lost touch over time? Send them a friendly message asking them to meet up when they're free. See if there are opportunities to reconnect.
Meet the friends of your friends. You can join them on their outings or just ask your friend to introduce them to you. If you're comfortable with your friends, chances are you'll be comfortable with their friends, too.
accept invitations to go out. I have friends who rarely go out. When asked out, they decline most of the invitations because they prefer to stay home. As a result, your social circle is limited. If you want to have more friends, you need to get out of your comfort zone and hang out more often. You can't make friends in real life anymore if you stay at home!

3. Get out of your comfort zone

Once you get to know your inner circle of friends better, the next step is to reach out to people you don't know.

Attend workshops/courses. These activities act as aggregators for all those people who share your same interests. Last year I went to a personal development workshop and met a lot of great people, some of whom have become good friends.
to be volunteer. A great way to kill two birds with one stone: Do a good deed, spread kindness and warmth, and meet new people who are compassionate and dedicated to a good cause.
Partying. Holidays such as birthdays, Christmas/New Year/Easter/various celebrations, festivals, sports events, etc. Probably places to meet lots of new people and why not make friends with someone to hang out with in the future.
Go to bars and clubs. Many people visit them to meet more people, but I do not recommend them because in these places it is easier to make acquaintances than to make true friends. It's nice to go there from time to time, maybe with your friends, and see how it goes.
Online community. Internet is a great way to meet new people. Some of my best friendships started online. I met one of my best friends on MSN 10 years ago. I have at least 2 other good friends that I have met online. Since then we have met numerous times and have formed a very deep bond. Even today, I have numerous friendships with people I've never met (other personal development bloggers and my readers). Just because we haven't met (yet) doesn't mean we can't be great friends. Today, online forums are one of the central places where communities come together. Check online forums, Facebook and Reddit groups related to topics of interest to you. Participate constructively and add value to the discussion. Soon you will get to know the people who belong to you better!

4. Take the first step

Once you're out there and there are people around you, someone has to make the first move. If the other party doesn't initiate the conversation, take the first step: smile and wave! Get to know each other a little better: Share something about yourself, and then give the other party a chance to share something about themselves. Something easy, like asking how your day is going, an opinion or advice on something, what they've been up to today or in the last week is a great way to start the conversation. Once you break the ice, it will be easier for you to connect.

5. Be open

a) Keep an open mind. Do not judge.

Sometimes you may have some pre-set idea of what kind of friend you want. Maybe someone who is understanding, listens, has the same hobbies, watches the same movies, has a similar background, etc. And then when you meet a new person who is very different from your idea of a friend, you close yourself off.

Do not do it. Give friendship a chance to flourish. More importantly, take a chance on this budding friendship. I have several very good friends who come from totally different backgrounds, and I never thought we would be such friends when I met them, simply because we are so different.

b) open your heart

In addition to opening your mind, if the person in front of you is a courteous and kind person, open your heart. Establishing a friendly connection between you and the other party requires that you open up to them. This means having trust, having faith and believing in the goodness of others. You can't form new connections if you mistrust others or are afraid things won't work out. You will send out the wrong vibrations and cause them to close in turn.

When I make new friends, I open myself completely, with full confidence that they are good people, with good hearts and good intentions. I have found that doing so has helped me cultivate many genuine relationships that are based on trust, love, and good faith. These meaningful relationships would not have been possible if I had closed myself off at the beginning.

6. Know who you are facing

Friendship is as much about you as it is about the other person. Try to know who you are in front of you and share as many details with them. Here are some questions you can ask:

What does he/she do in life?
What are your hobbies?
Have you had a nice trip recently?
What are your next priorities/goals?
What do you like the most?
What are your values?
What motivates/drives you?
What are your passions in life? Objectives? dreams?

7. Be spontaneous and genuine

We are often too caught up in our concerns, such as what others will think of us, what we should say, what we should do, that we lose sight of the whole approach to friendship. You can work on how you present yourself by taking care of your appearance, always trying to be polite and not say things that are out of place, but don't get obsessed with trying to be perfect. What you strictly say or do does not really define friendship. What defines a friendship is sharing, mutual respect and sincerity.

Show warmth, love, and respect for everyone you meet. Do things because you want to and not because you have to. Treat them as you would like to be treated. If you approach others with authenticity, you will attract people who really want to connect. Among them will be your future true friends.

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8. be yourself

Don't change to make friends. It's the worst thing you can do. Why am I saying this?

Let's say you make a lot of new friends by being cheeky and outgoing. However, you usually tend to be more quiet and withdrawn.

How will it end? It may be great to have these new friends at first, but these people have a vision of you that isn't real. Therefore, it can end in two ways:

You're still the outgoing, cheeky person your new friends know. However, it will only be a facade. In the long run, it will be difficult to maintain this situation.
He is introverted again. However, your friends may not feel temperamentally aligned with you and may drift apart if your personalities are not compatible.

So be yourself. This way, potential new friends will get to know you for who you really are and use the information they have to determine if they really want to be friends with you or not.

I don't think you have to be outgoing and charismatic like Tony Robbins to make friends. The important thing is to be yourself. The truest friendships are built when both parties accept each other for who they are.

9. Be available when needed

A friendship is a bond of solidarity between two people. Be there for your friends when you can. Do any of your friends need a hand right now? Is there anything you can help them with? How can you best support them?

When you help your friends, don't do it with the expectation of receiving something in return or being reciprocated in the same way. Rather, help unconditionally. Treat them with emotional generosity. Give because you want to, not because you feel obligated to.

For me, the satisfaction I get from helping others and knowing that they are better off is a greater reward than anything I can get in return.

10. Make an effort to stay connected

Continuous effort is required to maintain a solid friendship. The willingness to make that effort is what differentiates great friends from acquaintances. Ask your friends to go out from time to time. Depending on the intensity of the friendship, there is no need to meet every few days or once a week, meeting once a month or once every few months may be enough. The strength of your relationship is not measured by how often you meet. Some of my best friends I only meet once every few months. However, we are closely connected and we are sure that we will be there for each other when needed.

If you both have your schedule, it can be difficult to find time together. Host a simple meeting, such as over lunch, afternoon coffee, or dinner. Or you can always stay up to date through text messages, online chat or phone calls. Technology has made communication so easy that it's hard not to keep in touch.