Last update: 23 November 2017
Have you ever stopped to think about how you react when you feel bad? Do those behaviors really help you reduce the feeling of discomfort? The fact is that sometimes we don't know how to manage negative emotions effectively, despite this, we notice an improvement.
Let's take an example: who among you does not know someone who, after breaking up with a partner, turned to alcohol and parties to overcome anger and sadness? Maybe at first this person managed to distract himself, but in the long run he solved something? Instead, has he recovered his well-being by putting into practice another kind of strategy?
The emotionally intelligent person has four types of abilities: identifying emotions, using emotions, understanding emotions, and regulating emotions.
John Mayer
Classification of the different negative emotions
Emotional regulation encompasses a set of processes by which we exert an influence on our emotions, especially when we feel them, and how we experience or express them. The regulation can be adaptive (advantageous or functional) or maladaptive (dysfunctional). Which way is more useful and which is not?
Before answering this question, let's try to identify the different ways in which it is customary to manage negative emotions. On the one hand, we can use active strategies, such as the positive re-evaluation of the situation, the planning of what we have to do, seeking personal development, the resolution of the problem or the externalization of what we feel.
On the other hand, we can use more passive strategies, such as adaptation to the situation, a depressed or inertia reaction, leaving things as they are without remedying them. In the end, there are avoidance strategies with which we try to deny what happens or has happened, distance yourself from it or disconnect mentally, also adopting palliative responses that attack the anxiety and not the cause (such as eating or drinking to feel better).
What ways of dealing with negative emotions don't work?
Dysfunctional emotional regulation strategies make us emotionally unstable, as well as making negative emotions protagonists in our life. The results of this deficient regulation are different, but none are to be considered positive. We are talking about problems containing anger, anxiety or depression.
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As we have anticipated, inside the chest of bad strategies there are those of avoidance and passive ones. When we feel bad, it is counterproductive to deny what has happened or is happening. There is an exception, however, which is when a news is a source of a very strong emotional impact: in this case the denial can initially serve as an emotional containment wall. However, even in these cases it is necessary to abandon this strategy and prefer another one.
Nor does it help to mull over the subject, focusing mainly on how bad we are or self-pacing. The awareness of our state of mind, when it is negative, gives us the information we need to act; however, it becomes a danger to us when we fall into the temptation not to act.
The same is true if we try to get away from what is happening to us by abusing alcohol, drugs or food. All of these strategies dissipate the feeling of discomfort, but only temporarily. They will run out quickly, so we will need more of them. The reality is that none of these forms of emotional regulation are effective, indeed, in the long run they maintain and intensify negative emotions.
What ways of dealing with negative emotions are helpful?
If this repertoire of strategies is not useful for dealing with negative emotions, then which ones are the most suitable? Those that imply an active attitude, in other words those that force you to face problematic situations. Between these, the ability to reinterpret the situation in a positive way is among the most important, as well as seeking a solution and putting it into practice. These are strategies that force us to stop and think, but which do not paralyze us in inaction.
It is equally helpful to find sources of positive emotions to restore a broken balance. On the other hand, it is important to learn to express our emotions and seek social support, with the knowledge that the responsibility for the final decision lies with us.
Putting these emotional regulation strategies into practice may require extra effort in the beginning, in fact they involve the active role of the adopter, but they are necessary to prevent negative emotions from becoming chronic. Learn how to regulate your negative emotions effectively!
Images courtesy of Cristopher Windus, Daniel Páscoa and Matthew Henry.
