Last update: 30 September, 2015
According to the rules of the cycle of life, it is normal to leave home once you reach a certain age.
The children grow up and, sooner or later, they make the decision to take a new path, in total autonomy. Although it is a process that is part of life, abandoning the paternal and maternal roof can sometimes cause what is known as "empty nest syndrome" in parents.
What can be done when children leave home? How do you live alone with your partner again after a long time? How do you avoid feeling "old"? These are the questions that usually accompany those who begin to feel affected by the "empty nest", with reference to what happens with birds and their home.
The empty nest syndrome it can therefore be defined as l'set of negative and nostalgic thoughts and feelings experienced by parents when their children leave home; feelings that may include sadness, a feeling of uncertainty or a loss of meaning in life. Parents suddenly find themselves alone, after taking care of their children for a long period of time.
However, it is normal that these feelings occur for a passing period of time. The problem arises when these sensations persist and solidify over time, along with the inability to adapt to the new family situation. This is not facilitated by the occurrence of other factors such as greater awareness of the arrival of the "third age", menopause or andropause and continuous reminiscences.
In these cases, a distinction should be made between what parents feel when their children leave home, and what happens to them in relation to marriage.
All of this does not mean that parents are bad people or are not happy if their children become independent and get married; sometimes it is simply difficult for them to cope with an empty house in addition to all the changes in the daily routine.
On the other hand, if we consider that the average age at which children leave home to form a new family and gain independence is around 30, this means that the parents' couple find themselves alone after three decades ( in case they didn't break up before). According to a popular saying, a lot of water will have flowed under the bridge.
A rediscovery of the couple will therefore take place, a return to live an era that has passed for many years now and perhaps forgotten, or, in some cases, a confrontation with a new stage to be discovered. It could be the solution or the incentive for the revival of feelings, since it is much more mature than at the beginning of the story, when the children were not yet born.
Starting a new routine in the absence of children is therefore a task that is worth doing with joy, without feeling sadness or nostalgia. At first it will certainly be difficult, but so is the "law of life". After all, the parents themselves were, in their time, those children who left their maternal home and went to live alone.
The umbilical cord is cut when the baby is born, but there are other bonds that bind us and that are even stronger. The custom of treating children as if they were eternal children, for example, makes things much more difficult at the time of the move.
How to cope with the empty nest syndrome?
Here are some tips that can help you overcome the empty nest syndrome.
- Look at the situation from another perspective: Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of the case, look for the positive ones. For example, try to think about the well-being of your children; if they're okay, you should feel that way too.
- Strengthen the relationship with your partner: It is time to strengthen the couple with those activities that you have always put off, rediscovering yourself and starting to do things together again.
- Express what you feel aloud: It is always important to give voice to how it feels, and sometimes opening up to the people we love can help us overcome any difficulty.
- Realize the things that make you happy: Sometimes we postpone the activities we like due to everyday needs. Perhaps this is the right opportunity to make them happen. It will help you both as a distraction and to make you understand that life goes on.
- Improve Relationships With Your Children: It happens that the fact that children leave the home favors better communication than before.
It is always important to remember that relationships with children do not end when they leave home, but that they will only develop in a different way. As in any other relationship, it will need to be built and fomented continuously, so that it continues to grow.
