Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: December 14, 2021
We are whole women and we are tired of being told that we have to find our "sweetie"; that time is running out or that we run the risk of remaining spinsters. No, no, and again no. A woman does not need a partner to be a good and complete person.
As Helen Fisher said, "bonding with another human being is an impulse that was born in us four million years ago." But apples are meant to be eaten, not to complement us. Believe the history of half apple it makes us feel incomplete and forces us to go in search of someone who fits perfectly with us.
We can live with whoever we want, but it must be a choice, not a necessity. And we must take into account that the art of living together is even more complex than the art of falling in love.
Survival tip
You don't have to need anyone.
But you have to love.
Love a lot.
Love beyond your means.
-Intranerso-
To be happy with someone, you must first be happy alone
To love does not mean to possess, but to respect. And the first person to love is ourselves. If we don't find our place in the world, we won't be able to enjoy our relationships in a mature way.
This means that maturity helps us to better choose who we want by our side, and at the same time helps us to carry on constructive relationships that allow us to overcome the obstacles that every couple encounters in their journey of life together.
We must therefore aspire first to be grateful to ourselves, and not grateful to the person who accompanies us. The relationship must be a very important part of our life, but not a condition we don't live without.
The complex choice of the "ideal" partner
It is impossible to assess from the start whether our relationship is going to work or not. For this, very often, only the passage of time makes us aware of the fact that we cannot choose the person to share our life with just because we like it, but for a number of more complex reasons.
But don't worry: time will determine whether or not these reasons exist. While it's hard to admit, it's impossible to explain why some couples work and others don't. What we can do, however, is to indicate some factors that guarantee a good balance in the couple.
Here are the four pillars of a couple:
1. Sexual understanding
Both members of the couple must agree on how they want to experience theirs sexuality. To do this, there are fundamental conditions to be fulfilled:
- Do whatever you want to do;
- Never do something you don't want to do;
- Act according to your wishes;
- Never go against your sexual value scale;
- Keep in mind that each person has their own pattern of sexual pleasure.
2. Compatibility of characters
A person's character consists of his conscious and self-regulated behavior. It is the means by which he expresses his personality to the world.
You can, therefore, mature as a couple, but for this couple to be stable, the change must take place in a united and balanced way. Only in this way can two different characters be combined.
3. Scale of values
The two value scales of the two partners must be compatible or at least one must commit oneself to respect the ideals, religious beliefs, cultural habits, hygiene, interests of the other.
Accepting what is important for the partner is another of the cornerstones for the stability of a couple. And when it comes to respect, there are no "buts" that apply.
4. Life projects
The fourth pillar of the stability of a couple is that, in addition to having a solid foundation in the present, it is positively oriented towards the future.
How to transform a sentimental disappointment into the seed of a personal growth process?
To turn the breakup of a relationship into a reason for growth, we must be able to analyze the causes that caused it and draw a lesson that allows us to grow in future relationships. We have to be aware that learning does not come from suffering, but from the awareness of the way we suffer.
If we are able to see the positive side and not let ourselves be disheartened by a disappointment in love, we will be able to get up again full of new hopes. This is why it is important that, in addition to taking care of our self-esteem and our self-love, we avoid making the same mistakes with new partners.
We need to choose people we feel comfortable with, who we can be ourselves with and who don't pressure us. Remember, the right person will be the one who makes you feel we couldn't have made a better choice.
Being able to not lose hope after a bad experience is not easy. Certainly, however, in addition to not being impossible, it is really enriching.
Source: Love at the second attempt, Antoni Bolinches
