Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
There are those who find happiness by healing the wounds and voids of others. No one can deny that it can sometimes be comforting to be the balm that heals past storms, the antidote to the bitterness left by others in the hearts of those we love now.
Being this everyday key piece of your loved one is important. However, no one was born to be a daily crutch, nor a handkerchief for tears, and even less the potion with which to make people forget an impossible love or one that has hurt.
This by no means means that it is not good to worry about your partner's past, to know their shortcomings, internal scars and hidden demons.
You have to know, but it is not necessary to proclaim himself a hero or a heroine who claims to save and heal all his wounds. It is not your job, it is not your responsibility.
The aim is to accompany, grow together, bring and receive, love and be loved. It is building a joint project in which efforts are shared.
Those who have the sole purpose of covering empty spaces, filling spaces and healing breezes of sadness, end up fragmenting slowly.
Voids of the soul that turn into abysses of distance in the couple
Have you ever had a partner with these characteristics? They are people who demand more than bring. At first they attract us because in their eyes we are that breath of strength to all their needs and shortcomings, that breath of affection for their voids.
Empty people are energy thieves and destroyers of positive emotions. They need to reassert themselves, to be considered and valued. They understand love as a necessity and not as an exchange, not as the growth of two people who offer themselves freely.
If you have experienced it firsthand, you will understand what it means to have such a relationship. While there are many people who come across more than one occasion in these relationships, the first thing we think is why it happens.
What leads us to be attracted to people with so many voids?
- A person with voids has low self-esteem and needs to reassert themselves.
- These personalities attract because in the beginning they make us feel useful, special and important: only we can make them happy, only our love will make them feel good, will allow them to forget the past, to feel alive ...
- In the beginning, a relationship with a high passionate intensity is created. It is a love that needs, but we must not forget that loves that need also become demanding.
- When someone is full of emptiness, he is in turn populated by insecurities. For this reason, it is common to be suspicious, in need of continuous demonstration of love, which end up turning into a clear emotional blackmail.
- What are we referring to when speaking of voids? Voids are unresolved wounds of the past. It is helplessness, low self-esteem and frustration that, far from finding a solution, turns into a throwing weapon.
The hard responsibility of taking care of all these deficiencies is placed on the partner.
Your responsibility is not to fill in gaps: you deserve to love and be loved
We pointed this out at the beginning and we keep repeating it: as a partner, as a person who has offered himself freely to another, you deserve to love and be loved.
Your responsibility is not to heal, it is not to be a daily refuge, nor is it someone who meets the needs of others without your being taken into consideration.
We all have it clear that it is very difficult to control who to fall in love with. It just happens, almost without looking for it, without expecting it, sometimes even without wanting it.
Because there are loves that grab and drag like a storm that blinds us; although they make us feel alive, they hurt us at the same time.
However, you must have clear these principles:
- Cultivate a mature and conscious love, in which both members are able to allow the personal growth of the loved one, as well as favor that of the couple itself.
- You are not healers of wounds, occupants of voids, nor whisperers who dispel fears. You can be so for a few weeks, months, but then we can no longer speak of love, but of condemnation.
- You support and deserve the same; you protect and encourage, so you deserve to be helped and valued every day.
- Love is growth, it is fullness and happiness written in small actions. Without complicity, respect and mutual dedication, love is neither complete nor authentic.
Image courtesy of: Byron Eggenschwiler, Happy Monson
