Last update: 12 November 2015
I have not lost my memory, I just remember what I like. It's called selective memory and having it is good for your health.
Preserving negative memories is a death trap that works against our feelings and emotions. Their remains settle in our mind and disturb our balance with much more frequency and effectiveness than we think.
Certainly our resentment, and even our desire for revenge. are more than justifiable, but the truth is, these feelings do nothing but harm us.
Bad memories are the cause of a complex instability that has its roots deep within us. This happens because when we are disappointed or bitter, something breaks inside us, leaving us unable to react.
That is to say, since we usually do not have the opportunity to express what we would like, we end up brooding too much on a situation generating negative ideas and feelings against our "enemy".
Over time these feelings become more and more intense, causing problems of a different nature, both psychological and physical. It is like having the weight of negativity on your shoulders constantly linked to a person or a certain situation.
Ultimately, if we burden ourselves with bad memories and feelings, we deny ourselves the chance to be happy.
It's best to hold onto positive memories
Feeding one's resentment means living life with bitterness and without one's own identity. Yet, as we have seen, stopping this process takes a long time and, no doubt, a lot of suffering.
No matter how unwanted a situation may be, every single event can make us learn something, there is always a positive side for us. This does not mean that it is not normal to cry or feel anger at something that has happened to us, but just the opposite: doing it will help us free ourselves.
However. it is important not to stir up these feelings, because if we neglect their evolution and allow them to become a priority, we will create a vicious circle from which it will be difficult to get out.
For this reason, the fact that it's normal doesn't mean we don't have to work to clean up our wounds. The ideal is to make our selective memory work at full capacity, in such a way as to remember, above all, the learnings drawn from each experience.
How to get rid of the negativity and hold back the positivity
Place that our emotional well-being is highly dependent on the things we consider most important, it will be good to make an effort to channel all that cesspool of negative feelings.
The idea is to prioritize good, beautiful, positive things. To do this it is necessary to deepen some concepts on emotions. Let's find out together:
- If you have the opportunity, talk to the person who hurt you. If that's not possible, write her a letter or imagine her sitting in front of you and tell her everything you think. Throwing it all out has great benefits.
- It is inevitable that someone will hurt us and let us down, so it is good to learn to accept that this will always happen within our relationships and expectations. If this happens, it is therefore important to try to express your emotions and feelings adequately and at the ideal moment.
- Don't make judgments and don't think you are better than the other person. We all make mistakes, and we are often hasty in judging the behavior of others. Keep an open mind and contemplate all possibilities, without precluding any of them.
- Accept that people change. It is not that you were deceived during the relationship: just as we change, so do others. Discard the image you had and acknowledge that there has been a transformation that you did not realize.
- Let go, release negativity, go further. This is the most complicated step, as it means accepting that life is unfair. While learning is good, it is not always possible to see the bright side in the things that happen to us; therefore, once you have taken on what there is to learn, the best thing is to let go of bad memories.
It is imperative to keep the good things that we experience in people, both with those that are close to us and with those that are gone. In this way, we will develop the virtue of being amnesiac for bad things while remembering the good ones instead, and we will be able to put our feelings in order and channel at any time.
