Last update: June 12, 2016
There is no need to tell you, you will know it well: for a relationship to work, it must be fluid and does not require too much effort. You must be aware that you deserve a person who makes you burn with desire, not one who takes away any desire from you. Now that we have reiterated it, you just have to find the courage to repeat it until you really believe it: it is not right to keep turning the ashes of a fire that has gone out, you have to let it breathe until it burns on its own again.
Perhaps you will have the hope that the fire you experienced next to someone left at least one small flame that will never go out. Nevertheless, sometimes you have to understand that if there is no way to go back to sharing your life with that person, perhaps the only thing left is really the ashes.
“Save yourself, free yourself from risk.
Don't waste time reviving what is now dead.
Save yourselves, take care of today.
Do not lose air in breathing what is now burnt. "
-Adriana Moragues, translated from the song "Ponte a salvo" -
If by now you are sure that it is not worth continuing to try, the only alternative you have is to acknowledge it and let the wound heal. Everyone happens to have to heal their wounds sooner or later, so give yourself time to heal and start over, until the fire is rekindled.
You need space and time
There is no point in trying to rekindle a fire with only two hands if it was built by four of them. Realizing that your efforts will not bear fruit will take time, in which you will need to carve out a space just for you.
The sentimental emptiness and sadness for that fire that has gone out and that had cost you so much effort can make you feel dejected and it is likely that you will not see any way to go on, precisely because it seemed like something made to be strong and last over time. . Emptiness is inevitable, especially if you keep thinking about that person who was always there before and now never is, even when you need it.
"I am expert in throwing gasoline on fire extinguished,
I don't know how to accept that some things end. "
-Marwan, tradotto dalla canzone «Simple Dreams»-
However, if you find yourself in this situation, the best gift you can give yourself is to accept that most things have an expiration date, even in the case of relationships: there is a time for everything, so collect the ashes and turn them into lessons.
Blow on the wounds, give yourself relief
A contemporary poet, Pedro Andreu, says that "one learns to live by dint of stones". It could almost turn into a universal law because, if you think about what you experienced, you will surely remember that huge boulder that you had to dodge. And you will not forget how you did it, how you threw salt on the wounds that the burning coals had left you, how you sat on the rock and jumped forward.
Sooner or later the wound will start to itch due to doubts, but a scar will also form and, if you do not touch it, within a while, only a small mark and an extra memory will remain, full of positive aspects. and not just pain. You will return to love your new skin, you will return to love others, in a different way, because none love it's the same, but just as beautiful, if not more.
Allow a new fire to light up your life
If you've been through the trauma of ending a relationship that you didn't want to end, it's normal that when you have the opportunity to go back to sharing your life with someone, you are wary or not ready.
However, if you have managed to metabolize the breakup and forgive those who broke your heart, if you don't care that that person sees you with someone else, it means that you are no longer looking for someone to replace them and that you have understood that it is not true that " nail drives out nail ”. If you have managed to do all of this, you are ready to light up with the flames of another fire.
“Do you have to light up?
I put a heart of gas in it.
And let's see what happens. "
-Pedro Andreu, tradotto dalla poesia «Incendiary Thoughts»-
