Many times, without realizing it, we act with our children as our parents did with us. To break the cycle, we need to educate ourselves and apply conscious parenting.
Last update: April 13, 2022
It has probably happened more than once to say words that do not suit us at all. "Where did it come from?" we wonder. And we soon realize that those are the words our mother or father would have said. It is very easy to imitate the educational model of parents, that is, with which we grew up.
Our parents were our first role models and the first people we interacted with. Undoubtedly their personality and their educational style have had an impact on us and, to a greater or lesser extent, have remained in our unconscious.
That is why, when we become parents in turn, we can find ourselves repeating the same patterns, especially in times of stress that somehow activate old triggers.
Why is there a tendency to imitate the educational model of parents?
That's what we know
In many cases it is familiarity that leads us to adopt an educational style similar to the one our parents used with us. Becoming a parent is a challenge we have never faced before. And the main references on the subject are our memories.
Many times we do not know other educational styles, which is why our reactions depend on what we internalize from the education imparted.
If we want the baby to fall asleep, we will sing the same lullaby that our parents sang to us. And when she has a tantrum, our first impulse will be to imitate what our parents have seen doing.
We think it is right
The second option is that we have researched, read and found other parenting styles and yet the one that the parents adopted with us seems to us the most appropriate.
After some serious thought, perhaps we have decided to imitate their educational model because it is consistent with the values ​​we wish to pass on to our children.
We could remember our childhood as a pleasant time and consider that our parents did a great job. If they have given us the attention, affection, support and tools to become strong and capable, it makes sense to want to follow in their footsteps.
Imitating parents' educational style without knowing it
The last possibility (and the one that reflects most of the cases) is that we are not aware that we are imitating the educational style of our parents.
After analyzing one's childhood and parents' actions during this phase, one decides that she wants to act in a completely different way. Their own moral principles do not correspond to the educational model adopted by the parents and we try to do differently.
However, it is impossible to always have strict control over our actions and emotions. Under certain circumstances, especially when we feel overwhelmed, it is easy to find ourselves in to repeat that attitude that so hurt or infuriated us.
After a cool reflection, we will sense what has happened and begin to feel guilty. However, we should try to be indulgent with ourselves, as the patterns acquired in childhood are deeply ingrained and act as a spring on many occasions. The important thing is to know how to remedy it.
How to stop imitating parents' educational style?
With the exception of the second case presented, that is when one consciously chooses to imitate the educational style of the parents, in the other two it is necessary to intervene.
Raising a child is a complex and very important task, so you have to be responsible. We cannot choose the educational style that is considered most appropriate if we only know the one adopted by our parents. To avoid this, therefore, discover, read, explore other options. A choice is free only when it is informed.
On the other hand, if we have decided to take another path, but continue to imitate our parents' educational style, perhaps we have no alternatives in our behavioral repertoire.
In these cases, we try to identify situations that overwhelm us and cause us to lose control so as to plan in advance how we wish to react. Being clear about your conduct will help you manage any situation better.
