Last update: June 09, 2016
In the heart as on the tram: to allow a new love to take up residence in our heart, it is necessary to free ourselves from all weight, fear and bitterness, so that we can move towards a new relationship. The loves of yesterday must not stagnate in us to the point of sealing the doors of our heart. Because love is learned, matured and grown.
Each of us carries with us a "baggage" of affective experiences that somehow determine who we are. Relationships, just like bones, break, and we know that sometimes love failures hurt us to the point of leaving indelible scars on our soul.
All this can have great future repercussions, and for this reason, before embarking on a new relationship, it is always advisable, as a precaution, to spend time in solitude, to "rebuild" oneself.
Before I open the doors of my heart again, I have to let go of many things, heal my wounds, let out my tears and live for some time in the depths of my loneliness ...
It often happens to hear that the more you stay away from the "ex", the better. Well, rather than physical distance it is about learning to practice acceptance and emotional detachment. We must first accept the past and assimilate the learning that has been gained from it, to then break the bond of suffering and, of course, heal it.
We invite you to reflect on this.
That corner of the heart where the exes still reside
The human mind does not foresee a magic switch with which to move all traumatic or negative experiences lived into the "recycling bin". If not, there is a reason: the human being needs to learn, to acquire experience in order to better adapt to the surrounding environment and to the people around him.
In the modern era, that of social networks and technology, we all know that love does not have to be forever, we are aware that love does not die, that being single can be magnificent even if, inevitably, we remain the same incurable. romantic. Because the heart does not always respond to reason, and when we least expect it, something passes through it with such force that it leaves us breathless ...e fall in love once again.
In the heart, or rather, in that corner of the brain inhabited by our emotional memory, whether we want it or not, all our past relationships reside, in a more or less intense way. In case they have been traumatic or unsatisfactory, they can directly influence our role in the couple, as well as the partner himself. Any emotional burden or failure that has not been properly managed will have consequences on our emotional and relational "health".
Having stopped seeing or talking to our partner does not mean that we have forgotten. The memory of him is still present even if it no longer hurts, it no longer has any effect on us… It is a freedom that is difficult to achieve, but not impossible.
One aspect that many relationship psychologists agree with is that the real problem is that no one teaches us to engage in healthy, assertive relationships - most of us just copy patterns learned from others.
Nobody tells us how to turn the page after an emotional disappointment, how to forget a disappointment or a betrayal. Most people "grope" through the strange and complex world of emotional relationships.
The secrets to letting go of past relationships
Hate is an intense emotion as much as love, and for this reason it will not help to give rise to negative emotions such as, for example, anger. Even less useful is the famous strategy of "if I do not feel I do not suffer", that is the tactic of closing the door of the heart to avoid being hurt again.
- Those who decide never to love again, in reality, are still anchored to yesterday's pain. He is still a prisoner of those who hurt him, the victim of an illogical and insane slavery. You have to learn to let go of certain things, certain people and even certain negative emotions. Some time in solitude will help us close those circles, heal the absence and find ourselves.
- The former can only be present on one level, that of the past. Everything that the past contains must have a very specific purpose and function: to help us advance with greater wisdom, prudence and freedom. Because the knowledge that comes from it is our strength, and the only thing left to do is "deactivate" that emotional bond.
- One of the persistent problems nowadays is that even after leaving your partner, social networks prevent us from getting rid of their presence altogether. The best thing to do in these cases - this aspect is particular and everyone should evaluate it well first - is undoubtedly "eliminate" the ex from every virtual platform.
In conclusion, it is good to have clear in mind that before starting a new relationship, in addition to the new partner, it is normal to face many of one's past affections.
It is vital to accept each other, each with their own scars and past, because who we are now is also the result of our experience. However, we must face the present for what it is: a new, uncertain, wonderful reality. It is worth living with the enthusiasm of a child, but the experience of an adult.
