Last update: April 25, 2020
It is easy to tell when we are annoyed or when we behave in a spiteful and vengeful way. But we know how to identify well the situation that makes us angry? How can you learn to get angry and show it on the spot and with the right person? Personal work is required.
Learning to get angry is a challenge that many cannot overcome. Learning to get angry means learning to tolerate frustration and knowing how to channel it correctly so as not to divert it or allow it to influence more areas or more time than allowed. Getting angry requires intrapersonal work, that is, with ourselves, and interpersonal, that is, with others.
Let's take an example to understand its importance. A couple has an argument at home, they scream what I think and the topic is left unresolved. One of the two arrives at work and faced with a small failure of one of his subordinates loses his patience and blurts out without allowing a reply.
This person, unable to prove why he made that mistake, returns home and gets angry with his son for not obeying right away and punishes him. The son, in turn, when he returns to school, argues with a classmate because he speaks badly. We could go on with an infinite chain that could have ended with the pair which solves the problem speaking and defending one's individual point of view.
Learning to get angry means learning to manage and channel frustration.
Learn to get angry
Recognize the situation that makes us angry
Perhaps the mistake lies in believing that others are making us angry. And not everyone gets angry about the same things, much less the same person gets angry about the same thing at different times. The first challenge, therefore, is to recognize which action or words triggered the alarm.
When we can identify this first element, we can work on it and stop it. Knowing ourselves gives us the tools to understand ourselves and know that there are things that we cannot tolerate because they concern a part of us that we do not like, do not know and on which we must continue to work.
Getting angry is normal and healthy, but it is also our responsibility to know how to get angry with the right person at the right time, not let anger build up and learn to communicate what we don't like and what makes us feel unhappy. Hold us for us what makes us angry is not a permanent solution to the problem.
Knowing how to communicate anger
We can outline in several steps the best technique for communicating that that we don't like. The prologue will calm us down to speak quietly and seek solutions, we must think that screams rarely lead to a good understanding. The following steps can be:
- Show how we feel: It is important to show how we feel and not focus on the other person's action or words. It is different to say "I feel left out when you organize yourself without me" rather than saying "it makes me angry that you go out with your friends".
- Contextualize the problem: avoid using expressions as always, never, all ... Knowing how to limit and make concrete a problem also helps to communicate it and solve it better. For example, "you are always with them" instead of "you have dedicated yourself several times to your friends".
- Show our desire: now is the time to show what we would like, for example “I would like you to continue making plans with your friends, but not to stop thinking about the time to dedicate to us”.
- Show empathy: trying to understand why the other person acted in a certain way helps us not to understand the actions or words as an offense, which allows us to resolve the situation more effectively "I understand that you enjoy spending time with your friends from time to time ".
- Propose solutions: here is the most important challenge, which is not only to show how we feel, but what we want to achieve. For example, “we might look for some time to do something together”.
Learning to get angry takes work and practice, but the results allow us to feel better and improve our relationships, both with ourselves and with others. Don't delay and start with your challenge, do you know how to get angry?
