Last update: 25 November 2016
The first thing to know is this: keeping calm is a learned quality. Even if the genetic heritage can make us more or less impulsive, it is normal as a child to start facing life abandoning ourselves to emotions and passions, since at that age our frontal lobe is not yet fully developed.
If we are lucky enough to be able to count on favorable conditions for our evolution and development, we learn that to behave rationally, we need to control impulses. We are also aware that without this self-control we will behave in the wrong way, ending up doing or saying things that affect us in the long run.
“Life is like a sea voyage: there are days of calm and days of storm; the important thing is to be a good captain of your boat "
–Jacinto Benavente–
The bad news is that not all of us have received an education aimed at promoting self-control. What is good, however, is that once childhood is over, we are able to learn this type of education on our own. Once we are aware of the problem, in fact, we will have all the tools available to correct this dynamic.
In doing so, we inevitably end up suppressing some of our impulses. It is a normal action when entering the world of society: giving up those appetites and desires that collide with proper coexistence with the surrounding world.
In reality, however, self-control is essential for ourselves - it prevents us from wasting emotional energy unnecessarily and allows us to be more compliant. We suggest 4 tricks to learn how to stay calm in the most delicate moments.
To stay calm, eliminate the stressful stimulus right away
Loss of control occurs in the face of a stressful stimulus. Under the label of "stressful", it is possible to place everything that scares or threatens us. But also what makes us doubt, which leaves us dumbfounded or which goes against our wishes.
If you have not cultivated self-control, when similar stimuli appear, you will be led to activate defense mechanisms, expressing yourself in the form of aggression: shouts, gestures of a violent nature, use of offensive language or words that want to hurt or even threaten.
You can control these impulses by simply remaining silent for 20 seconds. If you feel that it is impossible for you not to react, stop for a moment to reflect on the situation, inhaling and exhaling deeply. There is a fund of great truth when it is said that one must "count to ten". Sometimes the difference between a success and a mistake is all in those few seconds.
Turn your attention to your body
It is important to pay attention to everything that happens in your body. Activate the "chip" whenever you feel uncomfortable with something or someone. Stop thinking about external reality and, for a moment, turn your attention to how your body is behaving. The signals come from there, it is he who shows the first signs of anxiety, block him.
Focus on your breathing and your heartbeat. Think about your body temperature, and if you feel hot, cool off with water or fresh air. Stop if your muscles feel tense and do some stretching. Without realizing it, you will take the reins of the situation.
To "activate the chip", repeat this order over and over again: "I want to understand the reactions of my body". If it seems strange and irritating to you, learn to repeat it automatically: “I want to understand the reactions of my body”. This sentence is an opening to self-observation and, consequently, to self-control.
Always practice
If you are one of those chronic cases (people who often lose their temper, about anything), you urgently need to get some daily exercise into your routine. Better still if you dedicate yourself to a real sport, one that involves such an use of energy that you don't leave any more for when you lose control.
It is scientifically proven that exercise activates the production of various hormones that affect the mood. The waste of physical energy also allows you to release that emotional tension that keeps you upset or on the verge of exploding. The discipline needed to exercise or sport is also a way to train self-control.
It is not a sport practiced at all costs for competition or for the desire to win. The important thing is to enjoy the activity and listen to your body even in contexts where it is free to express itself, imposing a faster and more energetic pace on it.
Better if it is an activity that attracts your attention and that you like it a little. If, however, you are in that phase in which you are not passionate about anything, perform simple exercises even at home or go out for a walk during the day at a rapid pace. You will see that in a short time you will feel much better.
