Last update: Augusts 21, 2020
Some people think it is easier to let it be left behind. But it's not always like this. There are times when it becomes almost impossible to leave your partner, and one of them is when you start loving another person. These are occasions when guilt, a sense of duty or emotional doubts (whether real or imaginary) form a circle from which it is difficult to get out.
The ability to leave your partner sometimes turns into a dead end street. While realizing that the love towards him is over, a whole series of factors come into play that prevent him from leaving him.
This situation never leads to anything good. If you are not aware of this and the proper measures are not taken, it can cause great confusion able to affect all those directly involved, preventing a healthy closure of the relationship.
"You have to learn to leave the table when love is no longer needed."
-Nina Simone-
Factors that prevent us from leaving the partner
Guilt is often the main reason why you are unable to leave your partner, even if you are in love with someone else. A feeling that arises from not wanting to cause harm to a person with whom you have shared very important moments of your life. You are aware that the breakup will hurt the person and you don't want to put that weight on your shoulders.
Another factor is doubt, which brings with it a paralysis in the final decision. In this case, one is afraid of the future. It is not known whether, despite the love for the partner has ended, leaving the old path for the new one is a safe choice or not. From this arises one deep insecurity. "What if everything goes wrong and you decide to come back with him / her when it is too late?".
Sometimes it is decided to delegate the solution of the problem to the newcomer. It is hoped that it is the new him or her, with whom there is already a love bond, formal or not, who presses and insists on finding the strength to leave the partner. In practice, you want to escape the responsibility that such a decision would imply.
Don't leave your partner on time ...
The most problematic aspect of not making such a decision is that it leads to unclear and not at all fruitful situations. Many times, the longer you wait, the more the situation is likely to precipitate and give rise to a series of circumstances that you do not like at all.
The main consequences of a delay in leaving the partner I'm:
- Psychological violence. Without realizing it, the risk is to blame the partner for the simple fact of existing, as it prevents us from starting our new love life. This leads us to label everything she does or says as negative. The criticism and the sense of annoyance towards her attitudes and behaviors will increase.
- The lie and the deception. Guilt, indecision or fear can in turn generate an avalanche of lies. You lie to your partner and you lie to your new love. This is not to brutally leave your partner, but also because at the same time you do not want to lose the newcomer. This is an unripe way of postponing the inevitable.
- Passive-aggressive strategies. They include unclear behaviors such as emotional distance or indirect accusations towards the partner. The annoyance is obvious, but not clearly expressed. The real conflict is hidden.
- Leaving compromising clues. It consists in "being discovered". That is, leaving clues about the existence of the third person and the interest you feel for her / him, so that the partner discovers the new relationship and it is he who decides to end the relationship.
Do not act with maturity: consequences
When a relationship is not ended in time, the ensuing will be painful for all parties involved. The partner will certainly perceive an imminent breakup and for this reason he will try to see clearly. But if we don't play our cards face up, we will only cause him distress, doubts and discomfort.
In these conditions, he will not know what to do with not having enough elements to make a decision. This will cause blind suffering, unfounded illusions or misplaced expectations. There is a risk of doing much more harm with these psychological games than by not expressing clearly once and for all what is really going on.
The newcomer will also be confused. He won't know whether to wait for us to resolve the situation or to let it go. He will then be able to express insecurity and distrust, certainly not the best emotions on which to base a new relationship.
All of the above shows that not leaving your partner on time is basically a gesture of selfishness and indolence. You want to avoid feeling bad, at the cost of making others suffer. Ultimately, the risk is to jeopardize both relationships. Fears, indecisions and a lack of commitment to oneself can come at a high price.
