Last update: May 22, 2016
It is common for couples to live in symbiosis, one attached to the other, thus reducing their anxieties, but also their own possibilities for emotional growth. A couple needs wings to fly, not to be locked up in a cage; only in this way will you be able to enjoy your own exclusivity and what it transmits.
It is clear that the happiness of each one depends on the individual components of the couple, even if the relationship that the two undertake reinforces this emotion. To be as happy as possible, however, we must pay attention to many factors that lead us to establish relationships of codependency.
In order for the members of a couple to turn into an essential vitamin, they must take an equally essential step: set shared goals, while each keeping their own personal space. For this reason, it is essential that time passes and that a relationship of mutual and positive knowledge is established.
Finding a common goal to be a healthy couple
Identifying a common goal is the first step in conserving personal space in any relationship. Enhance the ability to get to know each other and explore new horizons, each making his small contribution.
Looking for these moments, to share and delimit them, will help the members of the couple to understand that there is a time to grow together. But be careful, because it is necessary to avoid that a common goal absorbs you, both as a couple and as people with anxieties.
Couples who act like emotional vitamins share concerns, so they have to become aware of many details, subtleties that sometimes escape us, such as, for example:
- Being aware that disagreeing with your partner does not imply having a perverse relationship.
- It is normal that there are unsolvable discussions and that you feel the need to express yourself fully. In fact, 69% of marital conflicts are not resolved.
- Even if not everything can be solved, we can live with diversity.
- People give different importance to the same situations. Which very often makes it difficult to put yourself in the shoes of others.
- Recognizing everyone's “emotional idealism” and being able to talk about it means validating and building an emotional connection that a couple needs.
- The best way to resolve certain situations is to show respect towards the other “I know we disagree, I understand that you have a certain vision on this issue, as I have mine. Therefore, I respect you ”.
- The rituals that exist between the couple are explored and new ones are created.
Preserving personal space means turning into dream detectors
How many more emotional information shares a couple about his worries, the healthier the relationship will be as far as ambitions and emotional contacts are concerned. This premise is critical to transforming into dream detectors.
Worth to say, do not clip your partner's wings and getting to know each other is not enough; as an emotionally healthy couple, the realization of the dreams and aspirations of the other should be encouraged. Ignoring this aspect is very common, and this concept is reflected in phrases such as: "I never told you not to do it", when in reality you have not even contributed to making the other's desire come true or perhaps, most likely, you have indirectly conveyed the message “if you do, then you will suffer the consequences”.
Yes, maybe we don't say it, but not offering our opinion explicitly, it is easy to discourage the partner and feed thoughts that undermine the proactive attitudes that drive them to realize their dreams.
- Listening to the other, his anxieties and his dreams.
- Ask him questions that prompt him to explore the story that fuels his ambition.
- Offer empathy by conveying the message "I understand this is important to you" (whether or not you share his aspiration).
- Offer emotional support and approval for decisions and progress. It is very important that the other person is aware of the pride they generate.
To love each other means to love each other, regardless of the defects and negative sides of one's character. We all have strengths and weaknesses, acidic, bitter, sweet, salty, cheerful, curious, sad, lazy and disconcerting behaviors.
Each of our facets constitutes us as beings worthy of loving and receiving love, and that, in order to complete themselves as an emotional vitamin, they must respect the expression of every feeling and every way of being. Only in this way can we kiss each other with every part of our heart.
Images courtesy of Puung and Claudia Tremblay
