Last update: February 28, 2015
Listening to others is a difficult task, we always have an opinion or something that interferes between what the other wants to express and what we instead interpret. It is the judgments, in general, that play this bad joke, making it difficult to understand (without necessarily agreeing) the point of view of the other.
Listen first of all
However, there are ways we can do this by taking small steps that will lead to great relationships. A concrete thing you can do to listen better and avoid useless discussions is to pay attention to every word that the other says and remain silent (even when what the other is communicating hurts us); then, once the person has finished, express our opinion clearly, without attacking and leaving pauses. To do this, it is important to take a few seconds before answering, to clarify the ideas and understand how we want to present them.
Another way to listen well is to accompany the silence of the other: often silences express more than words and even involve us. In these cases, it is advisable not to talk and instead to look each other in the eye, if possible with a gentle and calm look, instilling calm. This, as we know, is the most complicated step, because when we are angry our body manifests it and, logically, our eyes too; that is why, even in a situation of this type, the best thing to do is to wait a moment, always in silence, to be able to find calm.
When the situation gets out of hand and the screams begin
There are times when we are really exhausted and start shouting, the other then shouts more and we raise the volume of our voice and our interlocutor does the same; this is how the situation gets out of hand. In these cases, the best thing to do is to try to get out of it, escape from the scene, and when the reproaches like "you never listen to me" come, turn away, wait a few seconds, regain calm (however much possible), and answer something like "Right now I am not in a position to listen to you, we are arguing and I think it is better to close it here and then talk calmly". And then adopt the attitude already suggested above (listen in silence and respond later).
These exercises, if we want to call them that, are very difficult to practice, because in our psychology there is the desire to "want to win the other". Let us remember, however, that in human relationships it is not a question of winning or losing, but of completing oneself and produce new ideas together in all areas of life; what matters most and benefits us most is forging better relationships and getting to know each other better. By always being open to the other, we can generate more trust, more freedom and more responsibility; we must always be present in the present moment, that is, in the "here and now" that we have already talked about together.
In conclusion, it is always good to pay attention to what the other tells us, without losing ourselves and exercising the freedom to choose how to relate to others, whether in a reactive or proactive way.
