Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: February 19, 2022
When you get overwhelmed by anxiety, everything appears blurrier. The fear of losing control grips us because we let our most adverse emotions take control of the rudder, while intrusive thoughts draw a threatening scenario for us from which to defend ourselves. These are moments during which we are afraid of hurting someone, moments that need to be managed.
It will not surprise you to know that losing control is one of the most common fears that human beings experience. Suffer from it, for example, those who live in a stressful situation at work and who fear that at any moment all the tension accumulated for some time in silence could end up exploding in the worst possible way.
"You have control over your emotions, don't lose it."
-Napoleon Hill-
Parents also suffer as they have to carry endless responsibilities and problems on their shoulders, as well as the agonizing lump of their own worries. These are situations where one lives with the fear of losing control at any moment and of reacting with one word or one gesture too many in front of the people you love most.
No one is foreign to this reality. Like this, although it is normal for the “fear” factor to be present in this aspect or another in everyday life, it is not permissible for all the power to be attributed to it. It is like living with another "me" within us, a Mr. Hyde who can bring out the worst version of ourselves at any moment.
When you surrender all control to anxiety
Roberto is going through a phase of his life made of ups and downs and dominated by anxiety. After almost a year of unemployment, he feels in check in any area of ​​his life. His parents, for their part, are worried about his situation and try to relieve him by inviting him to dinner almost every day. However, last time Roberto realized that he begins to be afraid of losing control at any moment.
Over lunch last weekend, his brother made a little comment about his situation, and he played it the worst possible way. He responded disproportionately on impulse, reacted with anger, raised his voice and said a series of malice that he now regrets. The meal ended with his mother's tears and a door slammed by his brother. Our protagonist knows he has a problem, but he lacks the resources to manage it properly ...
It is possible that this situation is not known, therefore, the first thing to understand is how anxiety alters our behavior, our thoughts and our response style towards certain stimuli. Let's see it in the next paragraphs.
The devil of anxiety and its mechanism of action
When an individual is faced with an excess of worries, fears and uncertainties, his brain develops a somewhat primal interpretation: beware, everything around you is a threat. Following such a conclusion, it determines the existence of only one way out: to defend oneself from everything and everyone.
- Our judgment ceases to be rational and we surrender control of the rudder to an overly instinctive autopilot, less thoughtful and obviously not sensible at all.
- We experience a very annoying feeling of unreality, as if anything is not authentic and foreign to us (depersonalization).
- We fall into a state of constant hyper-vigilance, we are always on the defensive, we react immeasurably to the most trivial things, giving rise to obsessive, negative thoughts and anticipating things that have not yet happened.
How to deal with the fear of losing control
A tip that is often read in self-help books is the idea that “Regardless of what the situation is, each of us has the ability to react in one way or another. Choosing the right path is our responsibility ”. Well, although as a message it may appear rather suggestive, when a person suffers from anxiety, it is very difficult for him to determine which is the correct path.
An anxious mind does not think, it reacts. An anxious mind does not have full control over itself and therefore cannot always make the best choices. All this forces us to understand how difficult it is to manage these situations, and that good intentions are not enough when there is a knot within us that prevents us from breathing and thinking clearly.
In the next section we will reflect on which strategies are the most suitable to combat the fear of losing control.
Steps to prevent anxiety from taking control
- Abandon the urge to control. Think about it for a moment: we spend most of our time keeping our frustration at bay, hiding our thoughts, swallowing emotions, feigning moods ... We try to cut all this containment and make a gesture cathartic. We uncover what is inside us, we express out loud how we feel, without fear.
- Talk about your fears, think about them. A good way to not empower fear is by giving it a name and talking to it: "I am afraid of losing my family because I am aware that lately I am losing control of my emotions, I say things that I later regret."
- Control your thoughts to control your emotions. This goal is the premise of cognitive-behavioral therapy, one of the most effective for cases characterized by the fear of losing control over oneself.
- The last step requires you to free your body to give freedom to your mind. This goal can be achieved through multiple therapies, such as Jacobson's progressive muscle relaxation, Mindfulness, yoga or any physical exercise. By employing these strategies, we will release physical tension allowing the brain to relax at its best.
Regaining control over us is possible, just work on it.
