Last update: Augusts 17, 2015
Loneliness is not a curse, nor a condemnation for the soul. There are people who see it as a personal torture or failure; despair often leads them to search for an ordinary person, an ordinary partner who can fill that emptiness and existential fear they feel. They end up being with someone even though the love is not sincere.
Relationships that arise only to cover the emptiness of loneliness will always be based on immature, dependent and toxic affection: it is likely that everyone's rights, freedom and personal growth will not be respected.
Loneliness is a dimension with which it is necessary to become familiar from an early age; all parents and teachers should talk about it, clarifying its nuances.
It should not be understood as a social rejection: it is a value through which we can learn to be ourselves, to accept ourselves, to connect with our emotions and feelings, avoiding dependence on others. However, it is clear that this is not always easy to do. Today we will talk about this and, together, we will learn concepts as simple as they are important.
The subtle wisdom of solitude
The wisdom of solitude is not learned overnight, it must be understood from childhood. Normally, we connect to it from the very first moments when we seek personal shelters to reflect, to observe the world from afar, trying to understand it better.
Overprotective parents simply implant the fear of loneliness and abandonment in their child's mind.
Without a doubt, this is a behavior that should be avoided: emotional maturity must be promoted from an early age. In fact, if the child learns to advance by himself, courageously, and to face the uncertainties of life without being the victim of an anxious and dependent attachment, tomorrow he will be a mature adult, enriched by the wisdom of loneliness.
The obsessive need to feel loved
People who avoid loneliness have a strong need to feel loved, manifest a toxic attachment and want to feel recognized and valued; in so doing, they can be said to subjugate those around them.
Certainly, at times, you will have met people of this type. It is about people constantly unable to maintain relationships, which accumulate failures socially and, despite this, they never stop to reflect on the true nature of their problem:
- They are people with very low self-esteem, which they don't even realize. They feel a sense of emptiness and an anguish of life that makes them fear loneliness in an exaggerated way. For them, the word "loneliness" is synonymous with failure and abandonment.
- When they start a relationship and, finally, they fill the abyss with their loneliness, they become demanding and selfish. They have many needs, fears and anxieties and are constantly looking for attention.
- They rarely make those around them happy. And how could it be otherwise? The fear of being abandoned and, therefore, of feeling again the agonizing grip of loneliness, is for them an obsession, a phobia, and they will implement any strategy to avoid it. Because of this, they often engage in emotional manipulation, blackmail, and victimization. Always remember this.
Learn from your loneliness to love yourself more
Do not interpret loneliness as a rejection: it is a space in which to learn to love yourself, in which to enter into harmony with yourself and with your loved ones.
There are those who argue that those who develop a form of panic towards loneliness, they end up transforming this fear into an "autophobia", or fear of oneself.
In other words, it is the fear of finding oneself face to face with one's thoughts, with one's essence, with one's “mental ghosts”. However, it is never too late for that adopt new behavioral strategies and remove these shades of anxiety and fear.
Take note of these valuable tips:
- Learn to enjoy your moments of solitude, as well as enjoy moments in company.
- Understand and accept that loneliness is not bad. Put away this unfortunately very common conception that loneliness is synonymous with social isolation or rejection.
- In solitude you will find all those questions that you should ask yourself every day, in order to get to know each other better. With a little patience and if you know how to listen to yourself, you will see that you will also find the answers without difficulty.
- Organize new habits in your life so you can enjoy solitude more. Walk, listen to music, write, become aware of the "here and now".
- If you learn to understand, listen and connect with yourself in these moments of solitude, you will also learn ad love others better.
Loneliness is a value that we all have to learn; after all, we all come into the world alone, and we leave just as alone. What remains is love.
