If you want to know how to handle resentment, do not miss these 8 practical tips that will allow you to maintain control correctly.
Last update: 18 September, 2020
According to the dictionary of the Italian language, resentment is "a deep-rooted and tenacious resentment". It is an emotion with a profound negative value that emerges when someone has hurt us showing, at the same time, an evident voluntariness. Not surprisingly, this resentment motivates revenge. In this sense, it is important to learn to manage resentment not only to avoid causing harm to others, but above all to safeguard one's mental well-being.
It is very harmful to recreate an unpleasant sensation and fuel the pain, even if it seems satisfying. There is a risk of intoxicating oneself with negative energies and thoughts, in the vain hope of canceling the bad experience which, on the contrary, will be further amplified.
Let's see below some useful tips to manage resentment in the best way.
How to deal with resentment in 8 steps
To handle the grudge in a given unpleasant situation, we must identify the cause of the problem and analyze it in a way to limit the damage. In this way, you will avoid getting carried away by this reality made of resentment and hatred, mitigating the negative feelings that push you to gain control of your behavior.
Prevent the resentment from growing
To begin managing resentment, it is best to analyze the origin of this feeling as objectively as possible. To do this, you can look for a well-founded explanation that contrasts high negative feelings. For example, accepting that a personal or professional situation cannot always fit perfectly with expectations.
Don't feed bad thoughts
Always thinking about the problem will do nothing but increase the feeling of inner hatred. And this, of course, goes against the ability to handle resentment. That said, it is best to try to forget the issue, accept that we cannot change what happened and start working on finding alternatives and solutions.
Give importance to forgiveness
This is perhaps one of the most complicated points, since forgiving is never easy, quite the contrary. A good option to do this is to stimulate the memory of facts or circumstances that justify this forgiveness. The reasons that prevent it, in fact, are usually already present, favored by negative feelings.
You could make two columns in which to mark the positive and negative aspects of your relationship with the person who caused the problem. We suggest that you also give a numerical value to each of them. In this way, you will be able to manage the resentment you feel more objectively, being able to see the situation with greater perspective and valuing both the positive and negative aspects.
Draw conclusions
This step is a good completion to what has just been seen above. After analyzing the positive and negative aspects of your relationship with the person who caused the problem, you will be able to draw conclusions about the value of that relationship. You will understand if it is worth forgiving and trying to recover the relationship.
Venting out to manage resentment
It is important not to bury the problem, thinking that it will pass by itself. Talk to someone: this is an effective method that will allow you to take another view of the situation and come up with ideas that you had absolutely not thought of.
Don't act without thinking
Letting oneself be carried away by feelings goes totally against a correct management of conflict situations. As difficult as it is, therefore, it is best to take a break before analyzing the problem. You will avoid starting a heated discussion ("hot") that could make you take rash and overly radical decisions.
Getting carried away by feelings totally goes against any healthy attempt to manage resentment. However difficult it is, therefore, it is better to postpone the analysis of the problem in order to build a more objective point of view and away from possible violent confrontations.
Selective memory
The brain has a survival mechanism that helps forget what caused a painful situation. Sure, it's not a foolproof remedy, but it can be used to manage resentment in a healthier way.
If a person has hurt you in some way, it is best to avoid adopting constant attention for fear that it might happen again. You should be convinced that it may have been an isolated event. With age, one learns to recognize the true worth of people, one must be aware that some individuals will always try to hurt us.
Get away from the problem to manage the grudge
Finally, if you find yourself facing a problem to which there seems to be no solution or which constantly causes stress and wear and tear, it is best to distance yourself from it. A good advice can be to take a pause for reflection, in order to avoid situations that can reopen the wounds. Eventually, space and time will help you see things more clearly and put your grudge aside.
