Last update: April 10, 2020
We do not have exact figures yet, but some studies may be useful to us to sketch a picture of the new reality: there are more singles than ever, at least in Western societies. According to projections, based on independent surveys, 1 in 50 adults over the age of 4 has never married. And in some places the figures are even more radical. For example, one in two adults in New York lives alone.
How come? It is not easy to say. The phenomenon is so new that there are still no conclusions that can be taken for granted. On the contrary, several hypotheses are under consideration that could explain this fact and also many daily testimonies of people who speak of permanent unions or a marriage as something undesirable. Like a burden they don't want to carry.
“I don't want someone to tell me that everything will always be okay. I prefer someone who looks me in the eye and says: -It's all a disaster, but I'm staying here- “.
-Yoha Navarrete-
At the same time in the world grow up il emotional and sentimental distress. How cases of depression and disorders of all kinds grow. For non-biological approaches, that is, those that do not place the responsibility for everything on genes, what happens in the world is closely associated with weak or dysfunctional emotional bonds. Perhaps the fact that there are more and more singles is another piece of this same logic.
I single ei solitari
There are many singles who live well and happy. These are cases where not having a partner does not imply loneliness or where loneliness does not imply isolation. Usually these are people who have consciously chosen not to live in pair. They often have other interests that fill their life.
The decision to remain single is almost always motivated by the desire to focus all energy on one or more projects, for example in the workplace. They carry out work activities that they love and do not want to face the dilemma of spending less time on their work to respond consistently to the expectations of a family. Despite this, they usually have a partner and a good network of friends and family.
I loners, on the other hand, don't know exactly why they don't have a stable partner to live with. A frequent answer is that they haven't found the right person. However, they don't feel comfortable living alone either. They often lead monotonous lives and it is common for feelings of apathy or sadness to predominate in them.
There is also another type of loner, namely those people who switch from one relationship to another, without staying long with anyone. They live the "here and now", in a sort of eternal adolescence in which the future does not exist.
More single than ever: reasons
Sociologists present several hypotheses to explain this massive presence of singles. Some point the finger at an environment that promotesegocentrism, in an unprecedented way. The individual has become the center of everything. The main concern of many people is their own selves. In this scheme there is no place for anyone else. Therefore, he is not interested in being attentive to the feelings and needs of another person.
The idea has been proposed that the so-called "paradox of choice" is taking place. It consists of the following. Previously, the potential number of people who could be met was limited. The Internet has made it possible for this potential for bonding to be virtually infinite. Likewise, the potential number of partners is also infinite. It happens, therefore, that the excessive number of options paralyzes the ability to decide.
When a person finally decides on something, always has the feeling of losing something else. And he has this feeling because he will always have other options with which to compare his "acquisition". There is a tendency in the human being to desire what he does not have, instead of appreciating what he has.
Loneliness and the couple
It seems that at the moment many people have forgotten that the couple is a construction. You're not dating someone just to go out or have sex. Conversation, agreements, conflicts and experiences make a couple one.
Having a partner, therefore, it requires effort. And also tolerance, generosity, patience and, of course, sacrifices. That's exactly what some singles don't want: to fight or accommodate other needs that aren't theirs into their emotional world.
Unchosen loneliness is never a good option. Some studies even show physical side effects. In these cases we should think about whether it is true that we have not found the right person or whether we have not adapted. This question is worth asking.
