Last update: 06 March, 2017
The relationship between mothers and daughters is a bond that feeds on complicity and strength. Few bonds can be as intense and complex at the same time as that of this woman who educates her child, wishing to be her daily pillar, her refuge, her accomplice, but also that figure capable of offering her freedom to meet her personal path. , what you want.
There is a very interesting book on the subject called "I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You!" (I'm not angry, I just hate you), by Dr. Cohen-Sandler, which talks about the complexities and beauty of the relationship between mothers and daughters. According to the author herself, this bond is like a dance that oscillates between dependence and independence with moments of hate and absolute love.
It is often used to say that when a woman gives birth to a girl, she decides not to make the same mistakes her mother made with her. We all, in some way, have this somewhat complex emotional bond that we do not wish to project onto our children. However, sometimes it is best to be guided by the instinct and wisdom of emotions that tell us what is right for our children.
We invite you to reflect on the subject.
Mothers and daughters: the inertia of a complex bond
There are many types of upbringing and all are almost always based on their mothers' style of education. There are authoritarian, narcissistic, suffocating, overprotective ones, but there are also wonderful ones, those that favor the adequate emotional growth of girls, who can see in their mothers a reference model to imitate, to support themselves in order to be part of the world. Daughters of life advancing in freedom.
One aspect that is usually always present is the "dance of interdependence" we were talking about at the beginning. The daughters want to dispose of their freedom, their private spaces as soon as possible; however, at times, the very inertia of the relationship leads them to seek approval, affection, the typical complicity between mothers and daughters.
It is therefore a complex bond in which the force is always intense, both on the positive side and on a slightly more traumatic aspect. The more complex part usually depends on the fact that there are mothers who see their daughters as their own reflection, to be protected and directed to achieve what they themselves have not achieved. They demand that their daughters fill in the gaps of their unhealed wounds as women.
Mothers educating happy girls and wise women
First of all, we need to clarify that education must be the same for a son or a daughter. Without discrimination, without gender stereotypes, with the same rights and the same responsibilities. We also know that sometimes each child has their own emotional needs and it is in this area that we will have to pay more attention, in order to offer the best answer.
For a mother, it is good to know what strategies to adopt with her daughters so that they become independent, wise and happy women, but with roots strong enough to feel proud of this bond built with those who gave them life. We invite you to reflect on the following points:
