Sufferers of narcissistic jealousy often don't need a trigger for its intense and destructive effect to explode. This attitude causes deep suffering in the couple, but also in those who express it.
Last update: February 06, 2022
Jealousy in the context of a couple is a complex feeling, associated with passions and affections, but which can also have to do with selfishness and power. Narcissistic jealousy is one of its many expressions, and unlike the other forms it is characterized by an emphasis on the ego.
The couple bond offers no guarantee. It is determined by so many variables and randomness that it cannot be taken for granted. We can never rule out the possibility that the story ends and sometimes it is not uncommon for the reason for the breakup to be a third person.
It is normal for a person in love to try to defend their relationship at all costs, even experiencing feelings of jealousy towards those who can threaten their relationship as a couple. Jealousy is a manifestation of resistance and insecurity, which sometimes hides something deeper.
"Jealousy, like borders, seems to justify domination over what has never been possessed."
-Adrián Triglia-
The narcissistic gelosia
In the previous lines we have described a situation of "normal" and motivated jealousy. Narcissistic jealousy is quite another thing.
In these cases, it is not the fear of losing a loved one that stands out, as well as the frustration at the idea of ​​being replaced by someone else. Likewise, anger is felt at the happiness that the partner might feel with another person.
Those who feel narcissistic jealousy he suffers not so much from the loss of a loved one, but more from the wound to his own ego. It is often difficult to distinguish the true cause of this feeling. More than regretting that her partner no longer reciprocates her feelings, she is tormented by feelings of defeat. People with narcissistic jealousy approach the relationship from the point of view of "power".
It is clear that a betrayal inflicts a deep wound on one's ego, above all for the deceit that characterizes it. Yet, under normal conditions, infidelity causes suffering that includes anger and resentment, but which can be worked through by ending the relationship or fueling the dialogue between the couple.
In narcissistic jealousy, this doesn't happen. The person does not stop harboring this feeling until he can take revenge on the ex. He feels entitled to destroy it emotionally and, at times, physically as well. It does not allow the lost person to start a new relationship, except at a high price.
Love or be loved by a narcissist
The narcissist is not a bad person, they are simply a person who needs help. The mistake lies in not admitting that you are narcissistic. However, these are personalities that confuse, because they are sometimes capable of showing solidarity and protection, captivating and enthusiastic in order to have total adoration in return.
Narcissistic jealousy is typical of people with a fracture in the ego. They are people full of shortcomings who try to compensate for their shortcomings by overestimating. However, they are not aware of it.
Attacks of narcissistic jealousy become almost a "trademark" for people with fractured egos. Often they don't even need a third person to trigger these reactions. They can even be jealous of their partner's successes and accomplishments.
They are always looking for a way to make their partner stand one step lower than them. Because not even the partner is more important than them.
Causing jealousy
Narcissistic jealousy also has another side of the coin. Quite often the narcissistic person tries to make their partner jealous. It is not strange that he voluntarily tries to be caught out or that he leaves traces of his own misdeeds in order to be "caught".
By making the partner jealous, he gets what he needs: making him insecure. The distrust that comes from this induced jealousy will cause the partner to rely even more on the jealous narcissist, fueling his need to be flattered.
This is the classic “doing to others what we would not want them to do to us”, anticipating possible damage to one's ego. Beyond that, the jealous narcissist will always try to try to be in control of the couple.
