Last update: Augusts 28, 2020
It may seem unbelievable, but in the last decade a social mandate has imposed itself that imposes on us the obligation to be happy at all costs. Not wanting to suffer it has become a watchword to which many adhere without thinking twice.
Many speak of a "dictatorial regime of happiness" and others say, like the analyst Ima Sanchis, that "happiness has become an instrument of torture". Paradoxically, never before has depression been such a widespread disease. One way or another, not wanting to suffer has turned into a huge source of suffering.
There are many who feel a distinct aversion to everything they call "negative". Let no one speak of suffering, let no one complain or show signs of pessimism. As if we were all part of a great play in which pain is forbidden. As if all of a sudden we stopped being human. To a large extent, not wanting to suffer means not wanting to live.
"Suffering and love have a capacity for redemption that men have forgotten or, at least, neglected"
-Martin Luther King-
The prison of not wanting to suffer
Few people knowingly say they want to feel pain. The discourse changes, however, when one passes to the level of the unconscious. Man is the only being who stumbles a thousand times on the same stone. Time after time he walks blindly into situations that cause suffering.
We must certainly not seek suffering, but pay attention to this tendency to avoid it at all costs. Pain in life is not chosen and trying to deny it, exclude it or ignore it does not make us happier. On the contrary, it could be the beginning of a pain that is more difficult to bear.
The most disconcerting aspect of this current desire not to want to suffer is that it is a kind of simulation obligation. If they ask us: "How are you?", And we feel bad, it becomes compulsory to lie. The answer must be: "Very well". If we answer “Bad. I'm suffering ”, probably many would walk away from us as if we had the plague.
Fake happiness
Psychoanalyst Luis Hornstein states that many people with similar patterns of suffering show up in his clinic: excessive dependence on others, severe confusion of values, highs and lows of self-esteem, difficulty in establishing meaningful couple relationships, etc.
We are no longer in the days of Freud, when people who requested a visit to the psychologist had unknown and particular pains. Suffering has become standardized in today's world.
The desire not to want to suffer has also become standard. This is why many require a visit to stop suffering. Not to understand the meaning of suffering and rework it, but to eliminate it. Failing to achieve this, they end up abandoning psychotherapy and submerging themselves in blind love, invasive obsession, or evasive cynicism.
We have forgotten that we all need suffering to grow. Emotional pain allows us to get rid of impossible fantasies and learn to cope with limitations and losses. Both of these elements, limits and losses, are a constant from the time we are born until we die. We learn to bear pain when we face it, not when we avoid it.
Learn to be happy
Happiness goes beyond a success or a moment of euphoria. It's more than just a couple of tailor-made positive phrases. We manage to be happy when we learn to make the most of every experience we have lived. When we learn to trust in our ability to face, with ups and downs, what allows us to exist.
The greatest happiness is found in being, not seeming. It stands out for the attitude that accompanies it. It is a serene attitude, which demonstrates inner peace and balance. It is not a constant fact, it is a permanent work to adopt more constructive perspectives.
We are a little happier when we accept that we are vulnerable beings, exposed to uncertainty and subjected to limitation. Not wanting to suffer, on the other hand, means being in a condition opposite to happiness. To deny suffering is to deny ourselves. It also means giving up the growth that comes with all pain and that can teach us to be better.
