Relationships are complex, but there are limits that cannot be crossed. If the partner treats badly, it is necessary to take the right measures so that it does not become a habit.
Last update: February 18, 2022
It will have happened to you too to hear confidences such as "my partner treats me badly", "does not take into account my feelings" or "does not respect me, I do not know what to do". It is also likely that you yourself have used these phrases with a trusted person. Communication problems are among the main reasons for dissatisfaction in relationships. But how to deal with the partner who treats badly?
Human relationships are somewhat complex and responsibilities are almost never one-sided. The couple is made up of two individuals who participate in common dynamics, which could not be such without mutual collaboration.
Still, some people treat their partner badly by using psychological or verbal violence; this attitude can undermine the victim's self-esteem to the point of making it unable to see the facts or remedy them.
If you find yourself in this situation, we offer you some tips to clarify what is happening to you and act in the best way.
Partners Who Treat Badly: Verbal Violence or Communication Problems?
The first important aspect to consider is that the perception of our most intimate connections is not always accurate. The emotional vulnerability that comes from deep attunement with the partner can lead to perceive ourselves as victims and to label the other as executioner. Sometimes, however, there is just a communication problem.
In the couple there are different models of communication. Some (such as negative or violent ones) are undoubtedly harmful and make use of contempt, humiliation and disrespect. Others, such as the reserved or avoidant style, are characterized by a cold and synthetic communication that can damage the couple, although it does not in itself involve aggression.
This takes on some relevance when it is the couple's communicative and coping styles are diametrically opposed. If one of you needs to talk or express emotionally and the other chooses avoidance and prefers to be alone, conflict is served.
In these cases, the pressure of the more open partner can push the other to withdraw, to run away. And it is for this reason that to achieve equilibrium it is essential to know one's own communication style and that of the partner.
Partner who treats badly: why does he do it?
In some cases, verbal aggression and disrespect are evident. When one partner insults, yells, belittles or teases the other, there is no justification.
However, it can be helpful to understand what these behaviors are due to. They could be due to one of the following situations:
- The partner is going through a difficult or stressful personal time and his inability to manage emotions leads him to act incorrectly.
- The couple is immersed in a dynamic of negative communication. The disrespect is mutual and tends to intensify.
- The partner shows aggression, domination or a lack of empathy that last over time. This could be related to previous trauma and requires individual psychological intervention.
How to deal with the partner who treats badly
Whatever the reasons, verbal aggression and disrespect in a relationship are not tolerable. If you find yourself in this situation, you can take the following measures:
- Recognize and accept what happens. It's a key step: stop justifying or minimizing the severity of your partner's behaviors. Facing reality is painful, but not taking action can have worse emotional consequences.
- Express yourself assertively. Let your partner know what attitudes or words hurt you and what you expect from the relationship.
- Establish limits. We can all have a bad day or be more stressed or irritated than usual. However, there are limits that cannot be exceeded under any circumstances.
- Make the right decisions. When we set limits, we must also be aware that if they are not respected there will be consequences. If your partner continues to disrespect you, walk away and end the relationship.
Put yourself first
If you have gotten to the point of saying “the partner treats me badly, disrespects me and hurts me emotionally”, you have no more shortcuts and you cannot continue to avoid the situation. You have to make a choice, and you have to be clear that the right choice is you.
The end of a relationship is painful: the fear of loneliness and the feeling of failure can be paralyzing. Giving up the dreams and expectations that they had planned together is not easy. However, experiencing a toxic bond can be devastating both psychologically and emotionally.
So, choose to love, care for and respect yourself and avoid being with those who are unable to offer you the same.
