With some people we feel uncomfortable from the first moment. Being guided by an initial evaluation, however, exposes us to the risk of falling into prejudice. It is better to analyze carefully and objectively what this rejection produces in us.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
There are people who make us feel uncomfortable "on the skin" or at least make us feel so. We sense something in their attitude, in their way of looking, of behaving with others, of invading spaces or even of speaking. It is as if an alarm bell is activated within us, sophisticated but at the same time primordial, which warns us, asks us to move away or to be careful.
Who hasn't experienced this sensation at least once? It mostly happens before you get to know the other person better. Our brain is attentive to a series of stimuli, clues and gestures, to quickly decide whether or not we can trust the person in front of us. Of course, sometimes he is wrong and the first deductions are, later on, hasty.
This is why, before making a rash judgment in which our prejudices count more than anything else, it is necessary to understand what the discomfort depends on. Mark Schaller, a professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia, confirms this. Our brain uses precise cognitive and behavioral responses that have the function of protecting us or safeguarding our integrity.
Well, in some circumstances, these reactions respond more to instinct than to an objective and realistic evaluation. The advice, therefore, is to consider and weigh the influence of a possible bias. In short, the best choice is to combine logic with instinct.
Trusting everyone is foolish, but not trusting anyone is pathological stupidity
Juvenal
People who make you uncomfortable from the first moment: is it right to follow instinct?
We all make use, more or less, of what is called "self-protective prejudice". In other words, we anticipate thoughts and judgments about people, almost automatically. This behavior corresponds, in reality, to an atavistic instinct for self-preservation. We generally try to be cautious with strangers and protect ourselves.
Studies such as the one conducted by the University of Arizona indicate that prejudice is rooted in our brains and is part of an adaptive and defensive response. As we all know, however, it can also lead us to formulate unfairly negative and stereotyped judgments. For this reason, to the question "in front of people who make people uncomfortable, should I follow my instinct?" the answer is: not always.
"I don't like how he looks at me"
Feeling uncomfortable just because of a glance is possible. There are people who, in fact, set their eyes on others with severity or even contempt. In a research conducted by Tel Aviv University in 2018, many women have reported that some men's way of looking makes them feel deeply uncomfortable.
The emotional distress, in this case, is felt immediately. This research has highlighted that this is a reality often experienced in the workplace. In that type of gaze, for example, a sexual allusion, mockery or even contempt is felt if the person occupies a position of power.
Intuition, when to listen to it?
Intuition is not a premonition, a supernatural or unscientific process. It is what allows us to react quickly in the face of daily challenges, taking advantage of our experience and our personal characteristics.
It is like a trunk in which we keep the experience and experiences. The place where our emotional essence and our personality also live. Thus, when we have to respond instinctively, intuition makes room and guides us.
This means that if we feel stuck, annoyed or perplexed, there is almost always a reason. Intuition perhaps tells us that people who make us uncomfortable with the way they behave resemble someone we have already known and the experience has not been good. An inner voice tells us to be cautious and it is good to listen to it.
At the same time, however, it is always better to wait for more clues from this person and not run away right away.
Incompatibility of character
Sometimes it is enough to observe a person to understand that most likely he has a character incompatible with ours. It often happens to people who are reserved towards a person who is too outgoing, intrusive, who talks a lot or who makes fun of their shyness.
As we have said, it is not always good to stop at first impressions. However, in some cases, it only takes a few minutes to feel the discomfort that invites us to stay away.
Finally, just as there are people who make people uncomfortable, curiously there are also those who, in an inexplicable way, immediately like it. They are the people who possess special magic, who have the gift of illuminating everything. After all, life has its own strange balance.
Sometimes it is worthwhile to go deeper, because life also holds pleasant surprises. Of course, if the discomfort and malaise are evident and constant, it is necessary to listen to instinct and intuition and establish the right distance.
