Having compassion for yourself does not make us weaker; on the contrary, stronger. Because if we learn to treat ourselves with kindness, if we forgive ourselves when we need it, and learn to talk to ourselves with affection, we will be able to cope better with the difficulties and complexities of life.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Having compassion for yourself is anything but an act of selfishness. We all need to practice this act of self-care that allows us, for example, to forgive past and present mistakes, encourage ourselves in difficult times or treat ourselves with the respect we deserve. Since no one is born with this skill already, it is important to learn how to cultivate it.
In the Decameron, Boccaccio said that feeling compassion for our fellow man makes us human. Somehow, both culturally and socially, they have instilled in us the idea that this dimension always projects from the inside out. It is true that we must feel sorry for those who suffer and that having this feeling makes us more noble. However, there is an equally important detail.
Compassion must also be projected towards oneself. This is healthy, cathartic and even necessary. Some people call it a kind of "healthy narcissism," but in any case this psychological area goes far beyond self-love as it gives it support, encouragement and meaning.
Having compassion for yourself, the key to psychological well-being
It is one thing to love yourself and another to do it right. Not all types of pride are healthy, as the oversized ego causes a harmful narcissism for which there is no one else but oneself. Similarly, people who do not treat each other with the necessary respect and affection are generally the most appreciated.
Nonetheless, living your life with low self-esteem gives way to the shadows of depression and other psychological problems. On the other hand, men and women who are unable to control their own negative, accusatory and harmful internal dialogue, always navigate adrift of mental suffering. They miss opportunities, develop unhappy relationships, and rarely achieve personal fulfillment.
Having compassion for yourself is not an act of weakness. Sometimes we oppose this feeling because we associate compassion with pity, that often empty and passive feeling between sadness and tenderness towards something or someone.
We have distorted this aspect so much that we feel uncomfortable trying it on ourselves. It is therefore necessary to reformulate it and give it the importance it deserves.
Why is it necessary to develop greater compassion for ourselves?
Kristin Neff defined the term "self-compassion" and described its usefulness for psychological well-being. In her research she equates it with the practice of full attention, the mental health benefits of which are widely supported by science.
Having compassion for oneself means, above all, accepting the imperfection of the human being, accept that we are fallible, that we make mistakes and know how to respond with kindness and affection. The need to develop this skill necessary for well-being applies in various areas:
- Duke University (United States) has shown an interesting fact in a study: people who apply self-compassion in their daily life enjoy good emotional intelligence and are more satisfied.
- On the other hand, self-compassion has also been shown to be linked to a lower incidence of depression and anxiety. The latter is an important fact that is worth contemplating.
- Those who are able to be respectful and affectionate with themselves in difficult moments mold an inner dialogue that does not judge, that does not criticize and that allows you to accept yourself as you are.
- Likewise, it is interesting to note that people who practice self-compassion do not fall into the labyrinths of excessive worry, in negative reflections that undermine psychological well-being. (Krieger, Altenstein, Baettig, Doerig and Holtforth, 2013)
Components of self-compassion
The literature and research on self-compassion has increased exponentially in recent years. We already know that allowing patients with depression to practice self-compassion would lead them more easily to improvement and progressive healing.
A study conducted by the University of Zurich suggests including this exercise in cognitive behavioral therapy. At the same time, it is interesting to keep in mind the elements that give shape and body to the exercise of self-compassion:
- Talk to each other kindly.
- Judge yourself positively.
- Accept that you are neither perfect nor invulnerable.
- Know yourself and your needs.
- Understanding that suffering, mistake or loss are part of life.
- Having compassion for yourself means knowing how to appreciate and love yourself.
- Full attention, or mindfulness, in turn allows you to develop this aspect more effectively.
Having compassion for yourself allows you not to depend on others
Having compassion for yourself does not mean self-pity or feeling weak or fragile. It means appreciating yourself in an authentic way because you are aware of your own value. In turn, it means being tolerant of your mistakes and embracing your inner wounds to encourage yourself to move forward.
It is important to consider another equally interesting detail: self-compassion makes you more self-sufficient in valuing emotions, needs and self-esteem. When we know what we deserve, we stop being absolutely dependent on the attention of others and, even if we appreciate them, we no longer depend so much on our surroundings.
In conclusion, allowing ourselves to be imperfect and loving ourselves in every situation and circumstance is a health exercise worth practicing. Today is the perfect day to start this journey.
