Without self-control we find ourselves at the mercy of events and our worst impulses. In this article, you will discover 3 strategies for resisting temptation and exercising your willpower.
"Whoever is not self-possessed ends up being the servant of others."
Roberto Gervaso.
I don't know if it happens to you too, but there are days when I have the craving, that is, that irrepressible desire to shake off goals, commitments and good habits, to immerse myself completely in pleasure. The craving is warm and velvety, like a good glass of red wine: at first it deceives you with the first sip, then envelops and intoxicates you with a sense of freedom and lightness, finally it leaves you stunned and prey to guilt .
We are not automatons: giving in to temptation from time to time can be cathartic, but systematically giving in is catastrophic. L'self control it is in fact what really separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. This ability, whose mechanisms are regulated by the prefrontal cortex, allows us to plan our actions, to evaluate the best option among multiple alternatives, but above all it allows us to stay away from what we might regret.
Today's article talks about this ability of ours. Specifically, we will debunk together the myth # 1 about self-control and we will see 3 strategies to put into practice immediately to be more disciplined.
Self-control is not repression
Many of us are convinced that having self-control means continuously repressing our impulses, thus feeding a sort of perennial inner battle. This idea is not only unhealthy, but as a 2010 study showed, it has exactly the opposite effect. The more we try to stifle our instincts, the more these, after a short period of being tamed at great cost, come back with greater force.
But you don't need a study to convince you, I'm pretty sure you've already experienced these psychological mechanisms on your skin:
- Maybe you wanted to find yours ideal weight and after the first, very hard, days of dieting at a certain point you have completely unloaded, finding yourself in a short time with more frustrations and more kilos than before (beautiful alone!).
- Maybe you had decided to be more organized, but after implementing a very complicated system of to-do lists, calendars, archives and notifications, you found yourself wasting more time and finishing less.
- Maybe you promised yourself to prepare that exam studying relentlessly, only to find yourself with the desire to study under your shoes (by the way, have you already read this post on how to find it?) and arriving close to the roll-out date absolutely unprepared.
The more you oppose yourself and try to repress your wrong behaviors, the more they become stronger. To achieve true self-control, you cannot rely on the repression of your instincts: like a wise samurai, you must learn to observe them, to know them, to exploit them. So let's see what are the 3 most effective strategies for not giving in to temptations and developing a will of steel.
1. Duty first, then pleasure? No way
If you continue to set new goals and new habits as if they were unpleasant duties I assure you that in 90% of cases you will fail in your intentions. We have just seen it: developing one's self-control cannot be a struggle against ourselves. Stop playing the role of the masochist: there is no glory in self-flagellation. Learn to love your goals and take pleasure in the daily actions that allow you to achieve them.
I know, that's easier said than done. So here are some practical ideas for adopting this new mental attitude:
- Don't pursue goals that you think are socially acceptable, pursue goals that you are passionate about deeply. As Albert Gray said in his famous speech: Find an exciting purpose.
- Review yours mental dictionary. How many times a day do you repeat to yourself: "I have to do this, I have to do that" ?! Do you really think putting all this pressure on yourself is helping you? Good luck. Instead, try to modify your inner dialogue by using these more frequently 3 words.
- The phrase "duty first, pleasure second" is completely ineffective. Instead, replace it with: "more pleasure in duty". Think about the goals you want to achieve and constantly ask yourself how you can make the actions that will allow you to achieve them more enjoyable. Do you want to improve your nutrition? Find healthy and tasty foods that you can prepare with simple recipes. Do you want to get in shape but hate locking yourself up in the gym? Find a fun sport to play outdoors. Does studying bore you to death? You are most likely not adopting your natural learning style - find the study techniques that work best for you. In short, use your imagination, no limits matter. There are thousands of ways to accomplish your goal - find the one that's right for you.
In summary, strategy # 1 to have more self-control is to free ourselves from constraints, making what we want and need to do as simple and enjoyable as possible. However, you will continue to be attracted to what you know to be wrong: what to do in these cases to exercise your self-control?
2. Practice your self-control with the 15 minute rule
"We acquire the strength of the temptations we are able to resist."
R. W. Emerson.
I've been hammering you with the for years fight against procrastinationHowever, there is a particular case in which our dear friend "postpone" could be very useful. Postponing a temptation, even for a few minutes, is in fact one of the most effective strategies to get rid of it.
The next time you find yourself having the urge to eat crap food, to obsessively check Whatsapp, to buy something useless, wait. 15 minutes. Don't repress the urge, don't tie your hands, just put off the temptation for a quarter of an hour. It's only 15 minutes - you can do it.
In this period of time, dedicate yourself to something else, distracting you like some of the children ofmarshmallow experiment. Or do something even more effective: observe your impulse, analyze it as a scientist would do in the laboratory, label it ("here it is, my desire has arrived to eat a jar of Nutella"). Learn not to identify with the craving: it is only a product of your mind; just as it came, it can go.
Then let me know how it went after those 15 minutes: did you give in, or not? ;-)
3. Adopt the if-then technique
"I can resist anything but temptation."
Oscar Wilde.
The key message I'd like to convey to you in this article is that you don't need brute force, but cunning to have greater self-control. After having seen how to minimize "duty" and postpone temptations, I would like to propose one last strategy: if-then technique. But let me ask you a question first.
When can you be more disciplined: after a restful night's sleep and a relaxing day or after a sleepless night and an exhausting day? Put in these terms, the answer is rather obvious: when we are tired and nervous our self-control abilities collapse miserably and we are thus at the mercy of events. According to the Canadian psychologist Micheal Inzilicht, this phenomenon is called "Depletion of the ego” (Ego depletion).
Sure, eating healthy, exercising regularly, and improving sleep quality are all good habits that can limit Ego Depletion, but no matter how careful you are, the day will always come when you will be sluggish, nervous and tired. In these cases, giving in to temptation will seem like the only possible choice: this is where the if-then technique comes into play.
Learn to define in advance what actions you intend to take when your self-control is limited and the urge to give in to temptation arises. Here are some examples:
- Se I want to smoke a cigarette, allora I chew a gum.
- Se I want to open Facebook, allora I take a break and read a post from GetPersonalGrowth.
- Se I want to eat a chocolate snack, allora I nibble on an apple.
These are of course only examples, the main purpose of the if-then technique is in fact to dismantle the current one signal-routine-gratification model of your bad habit. To make this strategy even more effective, my advice is to replace your negative reaction with an action that gives you equivalent pleasure, but has positive implications.
How about, this week let's try to apply one of these strategies strengthens self-control? I'd like to know in the comments which of the 3 piqued your interest the most. Before saying goodbye, however, I take the opportunity for a "service communication". Keep reading.
