Last update: January 05, 2016
Today I realized that you don't love me. I realized that the absence of this feeling of yours is not something of today, it had been evident for some time. I realized that it is best to let you go and continue our separate lives. There are things I don't want to know, but I need to know to learn for myself not to make the same mistakes again.
I didn't want to accept that if there is no sex, it's because you don't love me, that if you don't call me it's because you don't care how I am, that if you despise me, it's because you don't respect me. Now I know a little more, and although I wanted to remain blind to the harsh reality, I have learned to recognize what I do not want.
"All lives can be told like a novel, each of us is the protagonist of his legend".
-Isabel Allende-
Learn what you don't want to know about love
Learning is often difficult, it's about being able to extrapolate a lesson from circumstances that have hurt us. Yet this wise ability is the key to not having to relive a relationship that hasn't made us happy. Learning is complicated, but necessary. This is what I learned from love that is not worth, that is not love:
You don't care what happens to me
Indifference is one of the attitudes that hurts the most. Sometimes we shield ourselves behind behavior apparently learned from others: “They taught me to be like that”. But is it really necessary to resign oneself to having such a behavior? You should always adapt to the positive aspects, never to the negative ones.
It is about seeking balance, making an effort to make each other happy, without ceasing to be yourself. A person who says he loves you but shows indifference doesn't really love you.
“The challenge lies in creating our identity, not in imitating that of our social or family model. It is up to us to choose to imitate or revolutionize ”.
-Irene Orce-
You don't respect me, you tolerate me
Within a relationship, respect is key. It is not enough to be tolerated. Would you really be satisfied with mere tolerance? Here we talk about respect for your person, without anyone trying to change you, respect for your decisions, your way of thinking, feeling, living life.
Human rights do not concern others only, they must be born and respected starting from interpersonal relationships. There are great loves, but there are also manipulative people who only watch over their own particular interests.
It is not about loving me so much, but about loving me well
A "I love you so much" is not enough for me, it is not a question of quantity; what I want is that you love me well, that you make me happy, I want to feel your love in every thought, in every caress.
If you love me so much, there can be no room for indifference, disrespect, detachment. What does "I love you too much" mean? Excessive love says nothing. A cheerful love that makes you happy, that is the love that surrounds you, that makes you feel good.
If you don't admire me, you don't love me
Lack of admiration is another form of indifference. What do you like about your partner? What is it that you really admire? It can be many things, his way of thinking, observing, dressing, moving, talking or a combination of all these aspects. And what is it that your partner admires in you? If your partner is unable to answer this question, perhaps something is not working as it should.
That there is sex does not mean that there is affection
Sex is a fundamental element in any relationship, but it is not enough in itself: without caresses, without kisses, sex is anything but a demonstration of love. If there is sex, it does not necessarily mean that you are loved or that there is affection.
A disaffection that frees
Disaffection hurts very, very badly. We cry, we remember, we ask for explanations, yet we continue inexorably to feel pain. Like any form of suffering, it will take time for it to dissipate. However, look at lack of love as a liberation, take the opportunity to understand who you really are, what happened and why, so as to learn from the past and be able to move forward.
If your partner disappears, do it as soon as possible, if your relationship makes you feel bad and they leave you, break up is welcome. Cry, but rejoice at the thought that people who do not make you happy, who do not respect you or make you feel bad, disappear from your life, learn this and you will begin to feel love again.
“Blessed be the lack of love that frees you from the person who afflicts your life. Blessed be the lack of love that loosens your chains and allows you to be yourself "
-Walter Rice-
